I spent the day with my mother. As a young child, I would want comfort from her whenever I was sick or scared. I guess things haven't changed much even though I am almost half-a-century old.
The men went golfing today and mom was with me. I spent some of the time confessing my sins. Boy, does confession feel good to the soul even at my age. Okay, I didn't tell her everything I'd ever done wrong. There is probably a statute of limitations on some things and as I've said before, there wasn't a whole lot that was done when I was a child that they didn't know about anyway. When you're an only child like I am, any acts of disobedience that are discovered are just automatically assumed to have been committed by the only non-adult in the household. And if I dared to disobey elsewhere, like say, at my grandparents' house on a Sunday afternoon there were almost 35 cousins to witness the event and to tattle on me. Not much got past my parents.
However, I did confess to my mom just how deep some of the depression went when I was a young mom. I told her of the suicidal thoughts that never went beyond thoughts and into action but scared me nonetheless. I confessed having fought from time-to-time with her beloved-son-in-law (Pastor Dad) without going into irrelevant details that might embarrass all of us. I told her that I'd left him a few times but that I never spent a night away from him while we were angry. An hour or so was about all I could muster and that was usually spent walking or driving.
I told her about the arguments I had with my kids. I mentioned that they sometimes hate(d) me and I wondered if I would lose my hold on sanity in the dark moments.
I told her about the abyss I found myself in when the chicken pox disfigured me and led me into the dreaded autoimmune system disorder when I was 29 years old. She knew that, but she never had been told about the dark days of not being able to rise from the bed because I was prostrated by the resulting depression.
And do you know what? My mother didn't look the least bit shocked. Instead, she smiled and basically said that I'm not a superhero. And she doesn't even read this blog! I had to go back and read my own writing about being Super Mom before slapping my forehead while uttering an audible, "Duh!"
So thanks, Mom. It's amazing how much wiser you are now than when I was a kid! :)
It amazes me to think that I thought, I'm gonna raise my kids differently, while I was young and stupid! And then I raised my kids like she raised me! Then our kids thought the same thing I thought as a stupid kid. They were going to raise their kids differently than they were raised. But, guess what, basically they are raising their kids the same way that they were raised. Yes, moms know best, for sure!
ReplyDeleteYou are blessed to have your mother still around. And, now that mom is gone, I wish I had availed myself of her experience even more! Such is life!
Wow,how wonderful that you have a great relationship with your mom and that she is still there for you! What a blessing from the Lord. I could never please mine. Even until recent years there were always comments like, "Why can't you be more like your sister." Fortunately my sister and I have never allowed that to come between us. We just forgive her as Christ has forgiven us. It does make life a little difficult sometimes though. One of her strong suits was to be judgmental and critical of others, whether within the family, in church or with the neighbors. It has only been in the past 3 years in the nursing home that she is becoming more 'sweet' as she 'ripens.' I only know in part the life circumstances that shaped her that way. Could be the war years in the old country!
ReplyDeleteI'm truly glad for mentoring women in my life, like aunts, one supervisor and several friends, who demonstrated a loving, caring, gracious, non-judgmental attitude. Their influence was powerful on my development.
Oh, that we would all be godly older women who set a great example for the younger generation. I'm thinking of my grand-angels here and my interactions with them. What a responsibility I have! May God give abundant grace! Good post to think on!
Hugs,
Karin