Yes, it is Tuesday again. For one thing, it is time for another post dealing with depression. For another, it was dog park day but we did not go. It was about 35 degrees and the flurries were flying. The dogs will need to find a way to deal with their own cause of depression today.
This devotion has the dubious distinction of being written while I myself am suffering from the blues. Therefore, I need feedback. Tell me what helps you deal with this issue. If you don't want to post your comments publicly then send them to me privately at Karabeth6@gmail.com. Send me scripture passages that you've found to be the balm for your aching soul.
I almost let this cause and its associated personality go by without comment as I made a hasty exit from the book of Genesis. The Lord decided that I needed to stop and smell the sauerkraut. German heritage aside, I do not like the taste of sauerkraut, let alone the pungent odor of it cooking. So instead of moving on we are stopping over, backtracking actually, for two more lessons from the book of Genesis that I find particularly unsavory. The second lesson will follow next week.
So here I am in the doldrums. Longing has taken over my emotions. I want . . . Well, it doesn't really matter what I want. Ahab longed for Naboth's vineyard. Rachel and Hannah each longed for a child. The disciples longed for Jesus to restore the kingdom to Israel. Longing in and of itself does not seem to be sinful. It isn't wrong to long for God or for Heaven. It isn't wrong to long for promises to be fulfilled. It isn't wrong to long for better days.
As mentioned, Rachel had a longing for a child. I don't need a family tree to suggest that I am descended from Rachel - I might actually be descended from Leah or one of the servant girls since I don't have a clue from which son of Jacob my Jewish branch descends - but I suspect that tempermentally I am a daughter of Rachel.
Childlessness is not my situation but that was the cause of Rachel's longing. This caused her much despair. She cried to Jacob to give her a child or she would die. If you are familiar with the story you know just how ironic this statement was and also how much literary foreshadowing it contains.
This is how I know I am very much like Rachel. Sometimes whether God grants my petitions or not the objects of my affection reach the point of squeezing the life out of me. If I do not get what I want I might despair of it and if I do get it I might even regret that I longed for it, especially as I clean it, feed it, pick up after it, or begin to loathe it for one reason or the other. I think sometimes God teaches me lessons just by granting my requests. Be careful what you ask God to give you. You just might get it.
I am not too deeply into this study and I already see part of the answer to the problem. It would seem that sometimes longing is nothing more than a polite word for envy. This can be seen from Genesis 30:1 where it is plainly spells out that Rachel envied Leah because of the children that God had given to her sister.
I find it interesting that Jacob had very little sympathy for her. Her husband did not seem to understand why Rachel had any complaint. Jacob's thoughts might have been similar to those of Elkanah who years later asked Hannah, "Am not I better to thee than ten sons?" (I Sam. 1:8) Frankly, no. That is not comparing apples with apples. It wasn't that Rachel didn't love Jacob or that Hannah didn't love Elkanah. It was that Jacob and Elkanah each had children by another so they were not lacking the thing that was important to their barren wives.
I have very little respect for Jacob's response. His quick retort of "Am I in God's stead . . .?" fell well short of comfort. At least he didn't quip, "Go help Leah care for her children. She could probably use it."
No, Jacob was not the God who could put babies in wombs, but a more sympathetic and Biblical response would have been to take the request to the very God who could. This was the example of Jacob's own father, Isaac, who had offered a prayer after his own 20 childless years of marriage to Rebekah. Genesis 25:21 tells us that Isaac prayed and that God granted his request. In Rachel's case Jacob neglected to petition God but instead agreed to a similar "solution" to that of his grandparents, Sarah and Abraham.
According to Psalm 50:14-16 Isaac's example would have been the proper one for Jacob and Rachel to follow. It says, "Offer unto God thanksgiving; and pay thy vows unto the Most High: and call upon me in the day of trouble: I will deliver thee, and thou shalt glorify me. But unto the wicked God saith, What hast thou to do to declare my statutes, or that thou shouldest take my covenant in thy mouth?"
The thing that Rachel desired was not evil. The sin was not in wanting something good. The sin can be found in the fact that she allowed her desire to manipulate a sinful solution in an attempt to acquire the desired baby. The end does not justify the means. Her envy of another's children came between her and God.
It is also true that impatience sometimes creeps in while waiting for the desired petition to be answered. Proverbs 13:12 says, "Hope deferred maketh the heart sick, but when the desire cometh, it is a tree of life."
If longing has occupied your heart I pray that you will not resort to sinful behavior to obtain it. I pray that you will be able to wait with patience for the Lord to answer in His way and in His time.
The first lesson: Perfectionism.
The second lesson:Futility.
The third lesson:Idolatry.
The fourth lesson:Worldliness.
The fifth lesson: Guilt.
The sixth lesson: Victimization.
Showing posts with label Depression. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Depression. Show all posts
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Victimization
This is the sixth lesson in the series on Biblically understanding the causes of depression.
The first lesson: Perfectionism.
The second lesson:Futility.
The third lesson:Idolatry.
The fourth lesson:Worldliness.
The fifth lesson: Guilt.
Adults are supposed to take care of children. Older people nurture younger people. This is something that we all know, or should know. But sometimes things go desperately wrong.
In last week’s lesson we looked at guilt as something that can depress us. In that case, the person is the perpetrator who wronged another. In this week’s lesson we will study depression from the other side: from the perspective of a victim.
It is an interesting fact that both the perpetrator and the victim can experience depression as a result of sin. One would think that only the guilty would feel this way, but this is not the case. Indeed, some who are guilty seem never to suffer any feelings of remorse at all. Being a victim may cause more depression than being the instigator. This is especially true if the guilty party never repents.
It is here that I must interject my understanding of Biblical forgiveness. Forgiveness follows repentance. If the wrongdoer does not repent of the evil that he has done, he cannot be forgiven by the victim. This is the way that God deals with sinners. Bitterness is another thing entirely. The Bible teaches that we should let go of bitterness because it does nothing to hurt the wrongdoer but causes further hurt to the victim.
This is a hard lesson for me to write. Like the lesson about idolatry I have some experience in this area but without the extreme conditions that others have faced. I do not think this makes my experiences any less traumatic for me, but mine could be perceived as trivial when compared to those of others.
Many adults today bear the emotional scars of sexual abuse. The offense against them was usually committed by the very people who should have been protecting them: adult relatives. I have not read recent statistics but at one time it was estimated that 1 in 4 people would suffer sexual abuse. There is no telling how many would be children but I think it can be assumed that it would be a high percentage.
That is not my story but I do feel that my family and I were victims of a very sadistic and cruel individual. In our case the abuse was one of terror and fear. I was naïve enough as a young pastor’s wife to think that such assaults only happened to missionaries on foreign fields. Evidently this is not so.
In one of the churches where my husband was the pastor there was a man who tried to control our lives. He appeared to be obsessed with everything about us including our ministry, our children, and our friendships. He was careful to never leave direct evidence that could be taken to authorities. This person was a coward. I can safely say that he was a terrorist. Terrorists are cowards who gain notoriety by making victims of women and children.
Anonymous hate mail carrying postmarks from outside our city would arrive after visits from our friends who are of a different ethnic background. Racism was one trademark of this individual. Also, whenever my husband traveled and left our small children and me at home we would receive threatening phone calls. This was back before caller i.d. At least once one of the children answered the phone and the person with the disguised voice threatened my child. Usually I answered the call and the disguised voice would either say things of an obscene or a threatening nature.
At first it was not obvious who was behind these acts but after awhile we figured it out and decided to test our hypothesis with an experiment. It was my husband’s habit to announce to the congregation that he was going out of town. It became evident that it was someone who sat in the pew each week who was taking note of my husband’s announced absences. My husband never again announced that he would be gone. Only those who needed to know were told. The calls stopped immediately. Since there were other reasons to suspect this person – he was not well mannered even when he was not committing criminal acts – it was not difficult to surmise the culprit’s identity.
It is not a new thing for a person to become a victim of someone who is supposed to love and pray for him. Joseph was a young man who was victimized by the very people who should have been concerned for his well-being: his older brothers. Parents of multiple children depend upon the older siblings to care for the younger. It is a matter of trust. In the case of Joseph, it was his brothers who argued among themselves about whether or not they should kill him. Finally it was decided that they should make a profit by selling him as a slave to a caravan of traders on their way to Egypt. They then had to make it look as though he had been attacked by a wild animal.
The day came when Joseph was revealed to his brothers as the savior of their very lives. I know that if most of us had our way the story may have ended a bit differently with the brothers going back to Canaan empty-handed. In God’s providence Jacob’s family was spared from certain starvation. Notice that whenever Joseph and his brothers discussed the prior deed their guilt is not passed over as though they had done no wrong. The brothers admitted the guilt in chapter 45 and again in chapter 50. Their repentance became as well-known as their sin. Joseph knew that they meant him harm and said as much. But God was able to salvage something good from that evil act.
Why do the victims react to their victimization with depression? I suspect it has much to do with vulnerability. There is something about being a victim that mimics being a hunted animal. The violation of one’s person, whether emotional or physical, is not easily overcome. I confess to you that at times I lived in fear which is exactly what our tormentor wanted. Victims are ashamed. They feel as though they are not worthy to live. The perpetrator is not the real winner. Satan is. Satan wins a battle each time that the victim relives the victimization and experiences depression because of it. This truly is guilt that is misplaced. The guilt belongs to the abuser but the abused picks it up and carries it with them throughout their lives unless someone interferes and tells them to put it down.
I am very glad to say that someone has interfered. Jesus tells us that He has taken upon himself our guilt. If we are not even to carry our own guilt we surely are not meant to shoulder the guilt that does not belong to us. God can then use the event to build something good from the devastation if we will let Him. It might be hard to see how that can be. I doubt that Joseph could see the big picture during those years between the time his brothers abused him and their arrival in Egypt. It wasn’t until the famine that Joseph was able to discern something good that could come from it.
This cause of depression is slightly different from any that we have studied so far. All of the others were caused by problems that we bring about ourselves. Perfectionism, feelings of futility, idolatry, worldliness, and guilt are all actions and attitudes that we control. This cause of depression is caused by the actions of someone else.
I have good news. We are not helpless. When it comes to fighting this cause of depression we have the largest spiritual warhead known to man. The words of comfort that are found in scripture are not mere words. I do not have steps for us to follow to fight this cause of depression. This week I will list only scripture verses because God can say it so much better than I can.
To me belongeth vengeance, and recompense; their foot shall slide in due time: for the day of their calamity is at hand, and the things that shall come upon them make haste. For the LORD shall judge his people, and repent himself for his servants, when he seeth that their power is gone, and there is none shut up, or left. Deuteronomy 32:35, 36
Psalm 94 – (Read it yourself in its entirety. Here are a few verses from it) O LORD God, to whom vengeance belongeth; O God, to whom vengeance belongeth, shew thyself. Lift up thyself, thou judge of the earth: render a reward to the proud. LORD, how long shall the wicked, how long shall the wicked triumph?...Yet they say, the LORD shall not see, neither shall the God of Jacob regard it. Understand, ye brutish among the people: and ye fools, when will ye be wise? He that planted the ear, shall he not hear? He that formed the eye, shall he not see?...Who will rise up for me against the evildoers? Or who will stand up for me against the workers of iniquity? Unless the LORD had been my help, my soul had almost dwelt in silence. When I said, my foot slippeth; thy mercy, O LORD held me up. In the multitude of my thoughts within me thy comforts delight my soul….But the LORD is my defence; and my God is the rock of my refuge. And he shall bring upon them their own iniquity, and shall cut them off in their own wickedness; yea, the LORD our God shall cut them off. Verses 1-3, 7-9, 16-19, 22-23
Recompense to no man evil for evil. Provide things honest in the sight of all men. If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men. Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord. Therefore if thy enemy hunger, feed him, if he thirst, give him drink: for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head. Be not overcome with evil, but overcome evil with good. Romans 12:17-21 (See also Proverbs 25:21-22)
Dear Lord Jesus,
Help us to allow you to settle the score. Help us to give up the bitterness that poisons our souls. May our lives not be overcome by the depression that comes from being a victim of someone else’s sin. And may our abusers repent before their time of judgment arrives. Build something good from these things. Even though our enemies meant these things for our harm may they be used for your good.
In Jesus’ name we pray,
Amen
The first lesson: Perfectionism.
The second lesson:Futility.
The third lesson:Idolatry.
The fourth lesson:Worldliness.
The fifth lesson: Guilt.
Adults are supposed to take care of children. Older people nurture younger people. This is something that we all know, or should know. But sometimes things go desperately wrong.
In last week’s lesson we looked at guilt as something that can depress us. In that case, the person is the perpetrator who wronged another. In this week’s lesson we will study depression from the other side: from the perspective of a victim.
It is an interesting fact that both the perpetrator and the victim can experience depression as a result of sin. One would think that only the guilty would feel this way, but this is not the case. Indeed, some who are guilty seem never to suffer any feelings of remorse at all. Being a victim may cause more depression than being the instigator. This is especially true if the guilty party never repents.
It is here that I must interject my understanding of Biblical forgiveness. Forgiveness follows repentance. If the wrongdoer does not repent of the evil that he has done, he cannot be forgiven by the victim. This is the way that God deals with sinners. Bitterness is another thing entirely. The Bible teaches that we should let go of bitterness because it does nothing to hurt the wrongdoer but causes further hurt to the victim.
This is a hard lesson for me to write. Like the lesson about idolatry I have some experience in this area but without the extreme conditions that others have faced. I do not think this makes my experiences any less traumatic for me, but mine could be perceived as trivial when compared to those of others.
Many adults today bear the emotional scars of sexual abuse. The offense against them was usually committed by the very people who should have been protecting them: adult relatives. I have not read recent statistics but at one time it was estimated that 1 in 4 people would suffer sexual abuse. There is no telling how many would be children but I think it can be assumed that it would be a high percentage.
That is not my story but I do feel that my family and I were victims of a very sadistic and cruel individual. In our case the abuse was one of terror and fear. I was naïve enough as a young pastor’s wife to think that such assaults only happened to missionaries on foreign fields. Evidently this is not so.
In one of the churches where my husband was the pastor there was a man who tried to control our lives. He appeared to be obsessed with everything about us including our ministry, our children, and our friendships. He was careful to never leave direct evidence that could be taken to authorities. This person was a coward. I can safely say that he was a terrorist. Terrorists are cowards who gain notoriety by making victims of women and children.
Anonymous hate mail carrying postmarks from outside our city would arrive after visits from our friends who are of a different ethnic background. Racism was one trademark of this individual. Also, whenever my husband traveled and left our small children and me at home we would receive threatening phone calls. This was back before caller i.d. At least once one of the children answered the phone and the person with the disguised voice threatened my child. Usually I answered the call and the disguised voice would either say things of an obscene or a threatening nature.
At first it was not obvious who was behind these acts but after awhile we figured it out and decided to test our hypothesis with an experiment. It was my husband’s habit to announce to the congregation that he was going out of town. It became evident that it was someone who sat in the pew each week who was taking note of my husband’s announced absences. My husband never again announced that he would be gone. Only those who needed to know were told. The calls stopped immediately. Since there were other reasons to suspect this person – he was not well mannered even when he was not committing criminal acts – it was not difficult to surmise the culprit’s identity.
It is not a new thing for a person to become a victim of someone who is supposed to love and pray for him. Joseph was a young man who was victimized by the very people who should have been concerned for his well-being: his older brothers. Parents of multiple children depend upon the older siblings to care for the younger. It is a matter of trust. In the case of Joseph, it was his brothers who argued among themselves about whether or not they should kill him. Finally it was decided that they should make a profit by selling him as a slave to a caravan of traders on their way to Egypt. They then had to make it look as though he had been attacked by a wild animal.
The day came when Joseph was revealed to his brothers as the savior of their very lives. I know that if most of us had our way the story may have ended a bit differently with the brothers going back to Canaan empty-handed. In God’s providence Jacob’s family was spared from certain starvation. Notice that whenever Joseph and his brothers discussed the prior deed their guilt is not passed over as though they had done no wrong. The brothers admitted the guilt in chapter 45 and again in chapter 50. Their repentance became as well-known as their sin. Joseph knew that they meant him harm and said as much. But God was able to salvage something good from that evil act.
Why do the victims react to their victimization with depression? I suspect it has much to do with vulnerability. There is something about being a victim that mimics being a hunted animal. The violation of one’s person, whether emotional or physical, is not easily overcome. I confess to you that at times I lived in fear which is exactly what our tormentor wanted. Victims are ashamed. They feel as though they are not worthy to live. The perpetrator is not the real winner. Satan is. Satan wins a battle each time that the victim relives the victimization and experiences depression because of it. This truly is guilt that is misplaced. The guilt belongs to the abuser but the abused picks it up and carries it with them throughout their lives unless someone interferes and tells them to put it down.
I am very glad to say that someone has interfered. Jesus tells us that He has taken upon himself our guilt. If we are not even to carry our own guilt we surely are not meant to shoulder the guilt that does not belong to us. God can then use the event to build something good from the devastation if we will let Him. It might be hard to see how that can be. I doubt that Joseph could see the big picture during those years between the time his brothers abused him and their arrival in Egypt. It wasn’t until the famine that Joseph was able to discern something good that could come from it.
This cause of depression is slightly different from any that we have studied so far. All of the others were caused by problems that we bring about ourselves. Perfectionism, feelings of futility, idolatry, worldliness, and guilt are all actions and attitudes that we control. This cause of depression is caused by the actions of someone else.
I have good news. We are not helpless. When it comes to fighting this cause of depression we have the largest spiritual warhead known to man. The words of comfort that are found in scripture are not mere words. I do not have steps for us to follow to fight this cause of depression. This week I will list only scripture verses because God can say it so much better than I can.
To me belongeth vengeance, and recompense; their foot shall slide in due time: for the day of their calamity is at hand, and the things that shall come upon them make haste. For the LORD shall judge his people, and repent himself for his servants, when he seeth that their power is gone, and there is none shut up, or left. Deuteronomy 32:35, 36
Psalm 94 – (Read it yourself in its entirety. Here are a few verses from it) O LORD God, to whom vengeance belongeth; O God, to whom vengeance belongeth, shew thyself. Lift up thyself, thou judge of the earth: render a reward to the proud. LORD, how long shall the wicked, how long shall the wicked triumph?...Yet they say, the LORD shall not see, neither shall the God of Jacob regard it. Understand, ye brutish among the people: and ye fools, when will ye be wise? He that planted the ear, shall he not hear? He that formed the eye, shall he not see?...Who will rise up for me against the evildoers? Or who will stand up for me against the workers of iniquity? Unless the LORD had been my help, my soul had almost dwelt in silence. When I said, my foot slippeth; thy mercy, O LORD held me up. In the multitude of my thoughts within me thy comforts delight my soul….But the LORD is my defence; and my God is the rock of my refuge. And he shall bring upon them their own iniquity, and shall cut them off in their own wickedness; yea, the LORD our God shall cut them off. Verses 1-3, 7-9, 16-19, 22-23
Recompense to no man evil for evil. Provide things honest in the sight of all men. If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men. Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord. Therefore if thy enemy hunger, feed him, if he thirst, give him drink: for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head. Be not overcome with evil, but overcome evil with good. Romans 12:17-21 (See also Proverbs 25:21-22)
Dear Lord Jesus,
Help us to allow you to settle the score. Help us to give up the bitterness that poisons our souls. May our lives not be overcome by the depression that comes from being a victim of someone else’s sin. And may our abusers repent before their time of judgment arrives. Build something good from these things. Even though our enemies meant these things for our harm may they be used for your good.
In Jesus’ name we pray,
Amen
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Guilt
This is the fifth lesson in the series on Biblically understanding the causes of depression.
The first lesson entitled "Perfectionism" can be found here.
The second lesson entitled "Futility" can be found here.
The third lesson entitled "Idolatry" can be found here.
The fourth lesson entitled "Worldliness" can be found here.
Do you have a past? Well, of course you do. And if you are like I am you probably have certain areas of it that you don’t want to revisit. Sometimes meeting a person from our past can cause depressing memories to surface. Sometimes that depression can result in fear over the consequences.
There are certain people I never want to meet again. Just the thought of running into them somewhere unexpectedly is enough to cause trepidation. It would be even worse knowing that someone I want to avoid is going to be present at an event I plan to attend. I am not hiding deep, dark secrets but there are some memories and events that I do not wish to relive.
If you have been following my devotions on depression then it might have occurred to you that I am working chronologically through the scriptures. By the time a reader of the Bible reaches Genesis 32 he or she has encountered the story of Jacob and Esau.
What a past Jacob had! Several years prior to the events of this chapter, Jacob had both cheated his brother out of the birthright reserved for the firstborn and had tricked their father, Isaac, out of the blessing that was intended for Esau. Jacob had fled as a result. He was someone who had good reason to avoid his brother.
But forever avoiding Esau proved to be impossible. After years of serving his father-in-law, Laban, he made the decision to return to his homeland. The decision was approved by God who visited Jacob in a dream. As the journey with wives, children, servants, and flocks progressed, depression descended upon Jacob as he realized that he must face the twin brother who had sworn many years earlier to kill Jacob at the first opportunity.
Messengers arrived with the news that Esau was coming to him with a troop of 400 men. The Bible says that Jacob was afraid and distressed. He divided the animals and people into two distinct bands so that if Esau’s army attacked one group the other one might have a chance to flee. Servants were dispatched with herds of animals. These were gifts that were meant to appease Esau’s anger.
The next few events recorded in scripture astound me. After Jacob dispatched the women and children with the herds and herdsmen, he remained alone. He prayed a heartfelt prayer requesting deliverance. It is one of the first signs of humility exhibited by Jacob.
That night, God Himself wrestled with Jacob. I have always been amazed at the way God answered Jacob’s prayer for deliverance. Instead of sending bands of angels to guard the camp or arming Jacob with superhuman strength, God weakened him. How can this be? Wasn’t Jacob weak enough? Evidently Jacob was not weak enough to suit God. The fight with God meant that Jacob would forever walk with a limp. He would not be able to do the task of defending himself or his family. Only God could be his defense from that point.
But God didn’t leave Jacob in shame. Not only did God make it so that Jacob had no choice but to trust God as his deliverer but He gave Him a new name as proof. No longer would he be known as Jacob, the Supplanter (or Deceiver) but Israel, the One God Fights For.
Guilt can be a horrible burden to bear. Even those who know that their sins are covered under the blood of Jesus Christ and have been given the new name of Christian sometimes fear the consequences of their guilt. Their accuser often reminds them of any shameful past deeds.
What can be done about things of the past? You can do nothing about them. However, if we turn the past over to God in humility He promises that there is no further consequence: “Verily, verily, I say unto you, He that heareth my word, and believeth on him that sent me, hath everlasting life, and shall not come into condemnation; but is passed from death unto life.” John 5:24.
What are the steps for overcoming depression due to guilt?
First, confess your sins. It is very important to admit when you are wrong. A person who is not willing to confess when they are wrong has problems seeing the root of the problem. Don’t explain guilt away. Own it.
Second, repent of the sin. That means to determine not to do it again. We fail at this sometimes, but the intention should be to not do that wrong thing again.
Third, if possible, make restoration or make amends. Nothing says “I was wrong!” more than trying to set things right. Not every story ends with two people weeping on each other's neck like it did for Jacob and Esau but restoration and the humility that it exhibits can go a long way toward making that happen.
Fourth, accept forgiveness, even if only God forgives you. Don’t live with a cloud over you for the rest of your life.
Fifth, if the accuser of your soul whispers in your ear reminding you of your faults, you remind him of your forgiveness. This is where you allow God to fight your battles for you. If Satan himself cannot successfully accuse you why worry about your fellow humans?
Do not allow the past to spoil your present and future. Let God fight your battles for you. And if you meet the people from the past who knew the old you, make sure you introduce them to the new you. Like Israel you may forever walk with a limp but let it be a reminder that God is fighting your battles.
The first lesson entitled "Perfectionism" can be found here.
The second lesson entitled "Futility" can be found here.
The third lesson entitled "Idolatry" can be found here.
The fourth lesson entitled "Worldliness" can be found here.
Do you have a past? Well, of course you do. And if you are like I am you probably have certain areas of it that you don’t want to revisit. Sometimes meeting a person from our past can cause depressing memories to surface. Sometimes that depression can result in fear over the consequences.
There are certain people I never want to meet again. Just the thought of running into them somewhere unexpectedly is enough to cause trepidation. It would be even worse knowing that someone I want to avoid is going to be present at an event I plan to attend. I am not hiding deep, dark secrets but there are some memories and events that I do not wish to relive.
If you have been following my devotions on depression then it might have occurred to you that I am working chronologically through the scriptures. By the time a reader of the Bible reaches Genesis 32 he or she has encountered the story of Jacob and Esau.
What a past Jacob had! Several years prior to the events of this chapter, Jacob had both cheated his brother out of the birthright reserved for the firstborn and had tricked their father, Isaac, out of the blessing that was intended for Esau. Jacob had fled as a result. He was someone who had good reason to avoid his brother.
But forever avoiding Esau proved to be impossible. After years of serving his father-in-law, Laban, he made the decision to return to his homeland. The decision was approved by God who visited Jacob in a dream. As the journey with wives, children, servants, and flocks progressed, depression descended upon Jacob as he realized that he must face the twin brother who had sworn many years earlier to kill Jacob at the first opportunity.
Messengers arrived with the news that Esau was coming to him with a troop of 400 men. The Bible says that Jacob was afraid and distressed. He divided the animals and people into two distinct bands so that if Esau’s army attacked one group the other one might have a chance to flee. Servants were dispatched with herds of animals. These were gifts that were meant to appease Esau’s anger.
The next few events recorded in scripture astound me. After Jacob dispatched the women and children with the herds and herdsmen, he remained alone. He prayed a heartfelt prayer requesting deliverance. It is one of the first signs of humility exhibited by Jacob.
That night, God Himself wrestled with Jacob. I have always been amazed at the way God answered Jacob’s prayer for deliverance. Instead of sending bands of angels to guard the camp or arming Jacob with superhuman strength, God weakened him. How can this be? Wasn’t Jacob weak enough? Evidently Jacob was not weak enough to suit God. The fight with God meant that Jacob would forever walk with a limp. He would not be able to do the task of defending himself or his family. Only God could be his defense from that point.
But God didn’t leave Jacob in shame. Not only did God make it so that Jacob had no choice but to trust God as his deliverer but He gave Him a new name as proof. No longer would he be known as Jacob, the Supplanter (or Deceiver) but Israel, the One God Fights For.
Guilt can be a horrible burden to bear. Even those who know that their sins are covered under the blood of Jesus Christ and have been given the new name of Christian sometimes fear the consequences of their guilt. Their accuser often reminds them of any shameful past deeds.
What can be done about things of the past? You can do nothing about them. However, if we turn the past over to God in humility He promises that there is no further consequence: “Verily, verily, I say unto you, He that heareth my word, and believeth on him that sent me, hath everlasting life, and shall not come into condemnation; but is passed from death unto life.” John 5:24.
What are the steps for overcoming depression due to guilt?
First, confess your sins. It is very important to admit when you are wrong. A person who is not willing to confess when they are wrong has problems seeing the root of the problem. Don’t explain guilt away. Own it.
Second, repent of the sin. That means to determine not to do it again. We fail at this sometimes, but the intention should be to not do that wrong thing again.
Third, if possible, make restoration or make amends. Nothing says “I was wrong!” more than trying to set things right. Not every story ends with two people weeping on each other's neck like it did for Jacob and Esau but restoration and the humility that it exhibits can go a long way toward making that happen.
Fourth, accept forgiveness, even if only God forgives you. Don’t live with a cloud over you for the rest of your life.
Fifth, if the accuser of your soul whispers in your ear reminding you of your faults, you remind him of your forgiveness. This is where you allow God to fight your battles for you. If Satan himself cannot successfully accuse you why worry about your fellow humans?
Do not allow the past to spoil your present and future. Let God fight your battles for you. And if you meet the people from the past who knew the old you, make sure you introduce them to the new you. Like Israel you may forever walk with a limp but let it be a reminder that God is fighting your battles.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Worldliness
This is the fourth lesson in the series on Biblically understanding the causes of depression.
The first lesson entitled "Perfectionism" can be found here.
The second lesson entitled "Futility" can be found here.
The third lesson entitled "Idolatry" can be found here.
Where I grew up a trip to the city for a special event was something akin to a trip to Disneyland. The bright lights and the strange sights held a certain fascination for me. There was a special steakhouse where we would eat occasionally after a special event. I loved visiting this cosmopolitan environment. The rarity of the event was one of the reasons the trip to the city was so special.
Our lesson today about depression is going to be about someone who encountered worldliness in the city. In no way do I mean to imply that everyone who lives in a big city is worldly (meaning ungodly) and that small-town people are unworldly (meaning godly) individuals. The population of an area does not translate into godliness or ungodliness. Perhaps there is just more opportunity to get into trouble where larger groups of people congregate.
I have noticed that worldliness has a propensity to cause depression. I am not sure why this is so. Perhaps it is the feeling of being alone in a crowd that causes this. There is nothing worse than feeling like everyone else is enjoying each other’s company without you. Dolly Parton, a small-town girl if ever there was one, used to sing a song called “Two Doors Down.” It was about not being invited to a neighbor’s party and the loneliness that ensued. No offense, but the song isn’t one of my favorites even if I have experienced that “left out of the fun” feeling from time to time.
Lot was just such a person. When God called his Uncle Abraham and Aunt Sarah to come out from the idolaters of Ur, Lot packed up all of his belongings and moved with them. If only he had stayed close to them his life would not have taken the depressing turn that it did.
God blessed Abraham and Lot so much that their cattle could no longer graze the same fields. They had to separate their flocks in order to find good land. I have always wondered if this was God’s way of testing Lot to see if he had ceased to be an idolater much in the way He tested Abraham. If so, whereas Abraham passed his test, Lot failed his.
The next time we see Lot mentioned in scripture he is a city dweller and his livestock are not even mentioned. He was struck by the sights of the big city. Sadly, we are told of the progression that his life took until it found him and his family living within the city walls of Sodom.
How did this happen? Someway, somehow the inhabitants of Sodom convinced Lot and his family that they were missing out on life. The allurement was just too much for them and they were reeled in inch by inch. II Peter 2:7, 8 tells us that Lot was a righteous man who daily vexed his soul with the things that went on around him in Sodom and Gomorrah.
I often wonder about Lot. Did he think that no one would be harmed by his dalliance with worldliness? How wrong he was. It cost him his testimony, his wife, some of his children, and even his descendents. When the angels came to deliver him and his family from certain destruction Lot argued with them when they told him to flee into the hills. Even then, Lot did not believe that the judgment that was to come was as bad as the angels predicted. He took his two daughters and fled to Zoar, another city on the plain. He loathed leaving the worldliness to which he had grown accustomed. Only after two of the cities on the plain, Sodom and Gomorrah, were going up in smoke did he flee to the hills as the angels had originally told him to do.
The damage to Lot’s family was done. Lot himself was a believer who was either tempted by worldliness himself or was a weak father who could not stand firm when his children wanted to experience the kind of life that Sodom had to offer. He failed to tell them “no.” The “why” does not matter.
Did you ever feel tempted by sinful pleasure? Did you ever buy the lie that succumbing to the temptation wouldn’t hurt anyone but you? We have all been fed that lie and most of us have believed it at some time. Who hasn’t said the phrase, “I’m not hurting anyone but myself,” at least once? But life does not take place in a vacuum. Others are affected by the things we do, sometimes for generations.
One of my hobbies is doing family research or genealogy. To me, it is more than just putting names on paper. It is the stories of the individuals who make me “me.” I like to flesh out the details about their lives.
One story that breaks my heart is that of my paternal great-grandparents. My great-grandpa was the son of a minister. I have newspaper accounts of the revival meetings that his father preached in the counties surrounding their rural home. From what I can determine, my second great-grandfather was a godly man. But he had this son who became dissatisfied. At some point the son took his wife and young children and moved west. His father and mother sold everything they had, which included the land the father had inherited from his own father, and moved out west with their son. For the next ten years they can be documented as moving from territory to territory, place to place, as they gave birth to more children, farmed different lands, and ruined a marriage.
His generation's equivalent of Sodom snared my great-grandfather. He moved his family and his parents into a bustling railroad town. He spent their money on loose women and alcohol. My grandfather was just a boy when his parents’ marriage dissolved. They divorced soon after one of the federal censuses was taken. I found that abstract and the divorce decree that was granted just a few months later. I told my husband as we looked over our finds that we were looking at the remnants of the saddest tale I had ever encountered. It was a story of alcohol, adultery, abuse, and abandonment. Most of the children lived with their mother afterward. My grandfather, on the other hand, did not. He was sent to live with his father who decided to move back east with his parents and his young son in tow. Grandpa said that he remembered being sent by his own grandmother into a saloon to search his daddy’s pockets for all their money just to keep him from spending it all in the establishment. As far as grandpa ever knew, my great-grandfather never accepted the free offer of salvation. He never repented of what he did to his family. My grandfather never again saw his mother. She remarried and moved further west where she died a few years later.
My grandfather felt abandoned by his mother and abused by his father. He gave his life to Christ when he also was a young father who had planted a wild crop of his own for a few years. After his conversion he began to be concerned about his brothers and sisters. It became his mission in life to reach them with the gospel. But like Lot’s sons-in-law, my grandpa’s family thought he seemed like someone who mocked. My ancestors came from moral, godly stock, but someone was tempted by what the world had to offer and he took his family along for the ride. As far as I can determine, my grandfather was the only one that ever returned to the faith of his fathers.
Lot also had descendents that reaped what Lot had sown. The two daughters who escaped Sodom with him were so desensitized to the sexual immorality that was considered normal in Sodom that they didn’t give incest a second thought. Each found herself pregnant by her own father. The children that they bore began the nations of Moab and the Ammonites, two that tempted and plagued the Children of Israel (Abraham’s descendents through Isaac) for many years. God told the Children of Israel to destroy them. Nothing more is told us about Lot’s life after this incident with his daughters.
This is a matter that truly concerns me. There are many who live only for today and only for themselves. They give no thought to the future, either their own or others’. It is a sobering thought to me that the decisions I make can affect my family for many generations. If I am careless with the things of God my children might be even more careless. I don’t want to have that on my conscience. I do not want to be like Lot who was saved from eternal damnation but led his children straight to the brink of it by the worldly choices he made.
This is not a gamble with good odds. I can risk God's blessings upon my family just so that I can enjoy the pleasures of sin for a season? It doesn’t seem worth it.
How do we combat worldliness?
First, there are some things that are strictly forbidden by God. These are not “gray areas.” Search the scripture to find out what these forbidden things are. If you have been guilty of them, repent, and do it now! Get away from those things!
Second, ask God to help your new testimony of righteousness to be as well known as your testimony of sinfulness. It takes more effort to get out the good news. Wicked news seems to spread quickly.
Third, be aware that the choices you make today will affect others, including – or especially – your children and grandchildren. Is it any wonder that God talks about the sins of the fathers visiting the children for several generation?. It is purely selfishness to think you live just for yourself.
Fourth, find godly alternatives for any worldly pursuits and ungodly friends. Find like-minded individuals. Not all who call themselves “Christians” are proper friends either. Choose wisely. Remember that the boundaries that God set for us are for our protection. He is not some kind of cosmic-killjoy.
The best antidote for this cause of depression is to stop being in love with the world. It will vex your righteous soul and curse the generations to follow.
The first lesson entitled "Perfectionism" can be found here.
The second lesson entitled "Futility" can be found here.
The third lesson entitled "Idolatry" can be found here.
Where I grew up a trip to the city for a special event was something akin to a trip to Disneyland. The bright lights and the strange sights held a certain fascination for me. There was a special steakhouse where we would eat occasionally after a special event. I loved visiting this cosmopolitan environment. The rarity of the event was one of the reasons the trip to the city was so special.
Our lesson today about depression is going to be about someone who encountered worldliness in the city. In no way do I mean to imply that everyone who lives in a big city is worldly (meaning ungodly) and that small-town people are unworldly (meaning godly) individuals. The population of an area does not translate into godliness or ungodliness. Perhaps there is just more opportunity to get into trouble where larger groups of people congregate.
I have noticed that worldliness has a propensity to cause depression. I am not sure why this is so. Perhaps it is the feeling of being alone in a crowd that causes this. There is nothing worse than feeling like everyone else is enjoying each other’s company without you. Dolly Parton, a small-town girl if ever there was one, used to sing a song called “Two Doors Down.” It was about not being invited to a neighbor’s party and the loneliness that ensued. No offense, but the song isn’t one of my favorites even if I have experienced that “left out of the fun” feeling from time to time.
Lot was just such a person. When God called his Uncle Abraham and Aunt Sarah to come out from the idolaters of Ur, Lot packed up all of his belongings and moved with them. If only he had stayed close to them his life would not have taken the depressing turn that it did.
God blessed Abraham and Lot so much that their cattle could no longer graze the same fields. They had to separate their flocks in order to find good land. I have always wondered if this was God’s way of testing Lot to see if he had ceased to be an idolater much in the way He tested Abraham. If so, whereas Abraham passed his test, Lot failed his.
The next time we see Lot mentioned in scripture he is a city dweller and his livestock are not even mentioned. He was struck by the sights of the big city. Sadly, we are told of the progression that his life took until it found him and his family living within the city walls of Sodom.
How did this happen? Someway, somehow the inhabitants of Sodom convinced Lot and his family that they were missing out on life. The allurement was just too much for them and they were reeled in inch by inch. II Peter 2:7, 8 tells us that Lot was a righteous man who daily vexed his soul with the things that went on around him in Sodom and Gomorrah.
I often wonder about Lot. Did he think that no one would be harmed by his dalliance with worldliness? How wrong he was. It cost him his testimony, his wife, some of his children, and even his descendents. When the angels came to deliver him and his family from certain destruction Lot argued with them when they told him to flee into the hills. Even then, Lot did not believe that the judgment that was to come was as bad as the angels predicted. He took his two daughters and fled to Zoar, another city on the plain. He loathed leaving the worldliness to which he had grown accustomed. Only after two of the cities on the plain, Sodom and Gomorrah, were going up in smoke did he flee to the hills as the angels had originally told him to do.
The damage to Lot’s family was done. Lot himself was a believer who was either tempted by worldliness himself or was a weak father who could not stand firm when his children wanted to experience the kind of life that Sodom had to offer. He failed to tell them “no.” The “why” does not matter.
Did you ever feel tempted by sinful pleasure? Did you ever buy the lie that succumbing to the temptation wouldn’t hurt anyone but you? We have all been fed that lie and most of us have believed it at some time. Who hasn’t said the phrase, “I’m not hurting anyone but myself,” at least once? But life does not take place in a vacuum. Others are affected by the things we do, sometimes for generations.
One of my hobbies is doing family research or genealogy. To me, it is more than just putting names on paper. It is the stories of the individuals who make me “me.” I like to flesh out the details about their lives.
One story that breaks my heart is that of my paternal great-grandparents. My great-grandpa was the son of a minister. I have newspaper accounts of the revival meetings that his father preached in the counties surrounding their rural home. From what I can determine, my second great-grandfather was a godly man. But he had this son who became dissatisfied. At some point the son took his wife and young children and moved west. His father and mother sold everything they had, which included the land the father had inherited from his own father, and moved out west with their son. For the next ten years they can be documented as moving from territory to territory, place to place, as they gave birth to more children, farmed different lands, and ruined a marriage.
His generation's equivalent of Sodom snared my great-grandfather. He moved his family and his parents into a bustling railroad town. He spent their money on loose women and alcohol. My grandfather was just a boy when his parents’ marriage dissolved. They divorced soon after one of the federal censuses was taken. I found that abstract and the divorce decree that was granted just a few months later. I told my husband as we looked over our finds that we were looking at the remnants of the saddest tale I had ever encountered. It was a story of alcohol, adultery, abuse, and abandonment. Most of the children lived with their mother afterward. My grandfather, on the other hand, did not. He was sent to live with his father who decided to move back east with his parents and his young son in tow. Grandpa said that he remembered being sent by his own grandmother into a saloon to search his daddy’s pockets for all their money just to keep him from spending it all in the establishment. As far as grandpa ever knew, my great-grandfather never accepted the free offer of salvation. He never repented of what he did to his family. My grandfather never again saw his mother. She remarried and moved further west where she died a few years later.
My grandfather felt abandoned by his mother and abused by his father. He gave his life to Christ when he also was a young father who had planted a wild crop of his own for a few years. After his conversion he began to be concerned about his brothers and sisters. It became his mission in life to reach them with the gospel. But like Lot’s sons-in-law, my grandpa’s family thought he seemed like someone who mocked. My ancestors came from moral, godly stock, but someone was tempted by what the world had to offer and he took his family along for the ride. As far as I can determine, my grandfather was the only one that ever returned to the faith of his fathers.
Lot also had descendents that reaped what Lot had sown. The two daughters who escaped Sodom with him were so desensitized to the sexual immorality that was considered normal in Sodom that they didn’t give incest a second thought. Each found herself pregnant by her own father. The children that they bore began the nations of Moab and the Ammonites, two that tempted and plagued the Children of Israel (Abraham’s descendents through Isaac) for many years. God told the Children of Israel to destroy them. Nothing more is told us about Lot’s life after this incident with his daughters.
This is a matter that truly concerns me. There are many who live only for today and only for themselves. They give no thought to the future, either their own or others’. It is a sobering thought to me that the decisions I make can affect my family for many generations. If I am careless with the things of God my children might be even more careless. I don’t want to have that on my conscience. I do not want to be like Lot who was saved from eternal damnation but led his children straight to the brink of it by the worldly choices he made.
This is not a gamble with good odds. I can risk God's blessings upon my family just so that I can enjoy the pleasures of sin for a season? It doesn’t seem worth it.
How do we combat worldliness?
First, there are some things that are strictly forbidden by God. These are not “gray areas.” Search the scripture to find out what these forbidden things are. If you have been guilty of them, repent, and do it now! Get away from those things!
Second, ask God to help your new testimony of righteousness to be as well known as your testimony of sinfulness. It takes more effort to get out the good news. Wicked news seems to spread quickly.
Third, be aware that the choices you make today will affect others, including – or especially – your children and grandchildren. Is it any wonder that God talks about the sins of the fathers visiting the children for several generation?. It is purely selfishness to think you live just for yourself.
Fourth, find godly alternatives for any worldly pursuits and ungodly friends. Find like-minded individuals. Not all who call themselves “Christians” are proper friends either. Choose wisely. Remember that the boundaries that God set for us are for our protection. He is not some kind of cosmic-killjoy.
The best antidote for this cause of depression is to stop being in love with the world. It will vex your righteous soul and curse the generations to follow.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Idolatry
This is the third lesson in the series on Biblically understanding the causes of depression.
The first lesson entitled "Perfectionism" can be found here.
The second lesson entitled "Futility" can be found here.
This is probably the most difficult cause of depression that I’ve identified so far. In our culture the idols with which we are most familiar are either in the form of technology and material possessions or fame and prestige as opposed to statues and totem poles. Therefore the kind of idolatry that can cause depression that I am about to identify might be difficult for Christians to accept. Some might take offense by this message. I have been convicted of this sin often, even as I wrote this devotion, and perhaps you, too, suffer from it from time to time.
In order to diagnose this we need to define the term. Idolatry is anything that occupies a higher priority than God Himself. As materialistic as our society has become it is not hard to identify idolatry in those who value their possessions over God. But wealth, popular god that it is, is not the idol I am prone to worship. Even fame is not that god. The “anything” I am most likely to put ahead of God is not possessions or prestige. It is people. Placing loved ones ahead of God is a form of idolatry.
To illustrate this we can look at the life of Abraham. We are familiar with his call to leave his Mesopotamian home in the idolatrous city of Ur. God promised that Abraham’s descendants would replace the equally idolatrous Canaanites in the Middle East. Abraham’s obedience to the call proved that he did not value his cultural gods over the Lord God Jehovah.
We also know that Abraham did not totally put God first as he did not trust Him to deliver on the promise of descendants. He manipulated circumstances in such a way that it resulted in the birth of Ishmael through Hagar, a slave girl. In spite of the fact that Abraham thought God needed his help in delivering the promise, God continued with His own plan by giving Abraham a son through Sarah, his wife. Isaac was the promise brought to fruition.
The real test to determine if Abraham had fully given up idolatry did not occur until several years later when God commanded him to sacrifice Isaac. The outcome is well known. God knew what the results would be before He tested Abraham so perhaps Abraham needed to be tested for his own reassurance. It was proven that he had so abandoned idolatry that he would not put anything before God in his life, not even his beloved son, Isaac. Abraham was no longer an idolater.
We may not personally be called upon to sacrifice in the same way as Abraham but this is an all-too-familiar occurrence to others. There are many grieving parents or spouses. Some have written stories detailing their struggles through their loss. The hopeful ones are written by people who fall on their knees before God in worship in spite of everything. The idolatrous stories are those written by people who are shaking their fists at Him.
I encountered a Christian family that was blessed with children. One day, tragedy struck and their child was killed. In no way is this meant to make light of their grief. The fact that their hearts would never totally be whole again is understandable. But many years after the tragedy one of the parents made the statement that they were angry with God because they blamed Him for their child’s death. That child had become their idol.
Although I have never lost a child I have experienced circumstances where it was possible and even probable. I struggled with God on those occasions. In each instance one of my children was spared from something that could have been fatal. Those who have lost loved ones would gladly trade places with me and they might think me ill-suited for writing this piece. Does that make me any less able to sound the alarm? No. A living loved one can be an idol as much as a deceased one and the fact that my children lived might make me more prone to idolize them because of my fear of losing them. That seems to me to be obvious from the story of Abraham and Isaac. The whole test was to prove that the living Isaac was not whom Abraham worshipped.
How are idolatry and depression linked? If we cannot trust God with the people most precious to us then who can we trust? Who else will make decisions that are best for everyone? If I turn my back on God I have nothing. That’s about the most depressing thought I’ve ever encountered.
Most Christians are familiar with Psalm 37:4, "Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart." We like to think of this verse as one that proves that if we are worthy God will bless us. How human it is to put the emphasis upon ourselves and not on God! It is as though we think we could ever actually be worthy on our own merit! It seems to me that I receive the desires of my heart in spite of myself. My children are not alive and others’ dead as indicators of where we placed our delight. Abraham did not hear the call of God and receive his blessing as a result of his own merit either as his “delight indicator” indicated obvious flaws from time to time.
Suppose that this verse truly was the magic formula for receiving the things we want. What happened when some who delighted in God received their heart’s desire? Often the desired thing managed to occupy the very place that the LORD once did. The desire became the delight. Such an idea would imply that God is nothing more than a sucker who keeps falling for the same old trick from crafty human beings. Obviously, this is not the case.
Parents who dedicate their child to God at or before conception may later become angry when His plan for the child did not match theirs. Dedicating a child to God does not mean much if we intend to be the one calling the shots. Turning our loved ones and our relationships over to the Lord should not involve leaving strings attached.
How can we tell if we have placed an idol above the Lord?
1. If we have not achieved our desires we tend to blame God. Unmarried people are often insulted if God does not bless them with a spouse. Childless couples tend to find fault with God’s system of giving children to the unworthy when they themselves have not been so blessed. In other words, we take the omission personally and our unfulfilled expectations can become idols, too.
2. If we do achieve our desires we may worry about them constantly. I remember reading the personal anecdote that Dorothy Pentecost told in her book The Pastor’s Wife and the Church. She used to fear for the safety of her husband when he traveled. Her phobia became so severe that she sought counseling. She subsequently made a detailed list of the things that she feared in the event of her husband’s death and what she would do in each situation. The thought of widowhood wasn’t any more pleasant but the fear was removed once she trusted God with the details. Mrs. Pentecost’s fears were proven to be unfounded. She went to be with the Lord before her husband but not before they were blessed with many years of marriage.
What is the antidote to idolatry?
First, if you have been blessed with a spouse and children work on achieving healthy relationships. Ask God to help you love them without worshipping them. Do not allow fear to rob you of joy. Live for both today and eternity. What you experience now is not the end of the story.
Second, confess any anger, bitterness, or attempts at manipulation. If you are single or childless you need to seek God’s will without trying to bargain with Him. If you have lost a loved one cry out to your Father who understands your grief as no human possibly can. Do not cut yourself off from your only true source of comfort.
Third, make a list of the things God has promised you. God will keep His promises. Abraham believed that God would raise Isaac back to life if necessary for His promise to be fulfilled. Some of the promises God made to us are different than those He made Abraham, but we can believe that God will do everything He promised. Delight in those promises and in the fulfilling of them.
Fourth, remember the Biblical command to love the Lord with all your heart and your neighbor as yourself. The command is to love your neighbor as you love yourself, not as you love God. Remove the idols from your heart and put God back in the place of delight.
The first lesson entitled "Perfectionism" can be found here.
The second lesson entitled "Futility" can be found here.
This is probably the most difficult cause of depression that I’ve identified so far. In our culture the idols with which we are most familiar are either in the form of technology and material possessions or fame and prestige as opposed to statues and totem poles. Therefore the kind of idolatry that can cause depression that I am about to identify might be difficult for Christians to accept. Some might take offense by this message. I have been convicted of this sin often, even as I wrote this devotion, and perhaps you, too, suffer from it from time to time.
In order to diagnose this we need to define the term. Idolatry is anything that occupies a higher priority than God Himself. As materialistic as our society has become it is not hard to identify idolatry in those who value their possessions over God. But wealth, popular god that it is, is not the idol I am prone to worship. Even fame is not that god. The “anything” I am most likely to put ahead of God is not possessions or prestige. It is people. Placing loved ones ahead of God is a form of idolatry.
To illustrate this we can look at the life of Abraham. We are familiar with his call to leave his Mesopotamian home in the idolatrous city of Ur. God promised that Abraham’s descendants would replace the equally idolatrous Canaanites in the Middle East. Abraham’s obedience to the call proved that he did not value his cultural gods over the Lord God Jehovah.
We also know that Abraham did not totally put God first as he did not trust Him to deliver on the promise of descendants. He manipulated circumstances in such a way that it resulted in the birth of Ishmael through Hagar, a slave girl. In spite of the fact that Abraham thought God needed his help in delivering the promise, God continued with His own plan by giving Abraham a son through Sarah, his wife. Isaac was the promise brought to fruition.
The real test to determine if Abraham had fully given up idolatry did not occur until several years later when God commanded him to sacrifice Isaac. The outcome is well known. God knew what the results would be before He tested Abraham so perhaps Abraham needed to be tested for his own reassurance. It was proven that he had so abandoned idolatry that he would not put anything before God in his life, not even his beloved son, Isaac. Abraham was no longer an idolater.
We may not personally be called upon to sacrifice in the same way as Abraham but this is an all-too-familiar occurrence to others. There are many grieving parents or spouses. Some have written stories detailing their struggles through their loss. The hopeful ones are written by people who fall on their knees before God in worship in spite of everything. The idolatrous stories are those written by people who are shaking their fists at Him.
I encountered a Christian family that was blessed with children. One day, tragedy struck and their child was killed. In no way is this meant to make light of their grief. The fact that their hearts would never totally be whole again is understandable. But many years after the tragedy one of the parents made the statement that they were angry with God because they blamed Him for their child’s death. That child had become their idol.
Although I have never lost a child I have experienced circumstances where it was possible and even probable. I struggled with God on those occasions. In each instance one of my children was spared from something that could have been fatal. Those who have lost loved ones would gladly trade places with me and they might think me ill-suited for writing this piece. Does that make me any less able to sound the alarm? No. A living loved one can be an idol as much as a deceased one and the fact that my children lived might make me more prone to idolize them because of my fear of losing them. That seems to me to be obvious from the story of Abraham and Isaac. The whole test was to prove that the living Isaac was not whom Abraham worshipped.
How are idolatry and depression linked? If we cannot trust God with the people most precious to us then who can we trust? Who else will make decisions that are best for everyone? If I turn my back on God I have nothing. That’s about the most depressing thought I’ve ever encountered.
Most Christians are familiar with Psalm 37:4, "Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart." We like to think of this verse as one that proves that if we are worthy God will bless us. How human it is to put the emphasis upon ourselves and not on God! It is as though we think we could ever actually be worthy on our own merit! It seems to me that I receive the desires of my heart in spite of myself. My children are not alive and others’ dead as indicators of where we placed our delight. Abraham did not hear the call of God and receive his blessing as a result of his own merit either as his “delight indicator” indicated obvious flaws from time to time.
Suppose that this verse truly was the magic formula for receiving the things we want. What happened when some who delighted in God received their heart’s desire? Often the desired thing managed to occupy the very place that the LORD once did. The desire became the delight. Such an idea would imply that God is nothing more than a sucker who keeps falling for the same old trick from crafty human beings. Obviously, this is not the case.
Parents who dedicate their child to God at or before conception may later become angry when His plan for the child did not match theirs. Dedicating a child to God does not mean much if we intend to be the one calling the shots. Turning our loved ones and our relationships over to the Lord should not involve leaving strings attached.
How can we tell if we have placed an idol above the Lord?
1. If we have not achieved our desires we tend to blame God. Unmarried people are often insulted if God does not bless them with a spouse. Childless couples tend to find fault with God’s system of giving children to the unworthy when they themselves have not been so blessed. In other words, we take the omission personally and our unfulfilled expectations can become idols, too.
2. If we do achieve our desires we may worry about them constantly. I remember reading the personal anecdote that Dorothy Pentecost told in her book The Pastor’s Wife and the Church. She used to fear for the safety of her husband when he traveled. Her phobia became so severe that she sought counseling. She subsequently made a detailed list of the things that she feared in the event of her husband’s death and what she would do in each situation. The thought of widowhood wasn’t any more pleasant but the fear was removed once she trusted God with the details. Mrs. Pentecost’s fears were proven to be unfounded. She went to be with the Lord before her husband but not before they were blessed with many years of marriage.
What is the antidote to idolatry?
First, if you have been blessed with a spouse and children work on achieving healthy relationships. Ask God to help you love them without worshipping them. Do not allow fear to rob you of joy. Live for both today and eternity. What you experience now is not the end of the story.
Second, confess any anger, bitterness, or attempts at manipulation. If you are single or childless you need to seek God’s will without trying to bargain with Him. If you have lost a loved one cry out to your Father who understands your grief as no human possibly can. Do not cut yourself off from your only true source of comfort.
Third, make a list of the things God has promised you. God will keep His promises. Abraham believed that God would raise Isaac back to life if necessary for His promise to be fulfilled. Some of the promises God made to us are different than those He made Abraham, but we can believe that God will do everything He promised. Delight in those promises and in the fulfilling of them.
Fourth, remember the Biblical command to love the Lord with all your heart and your neighbor as yourself. The command is to love your neighbor as you love yourself, not as you love God. Remove the idols from your heart and put God back in the place of delight.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Futility
This is the second lesson in a series on battling depression. The first is found here. I hope this lesson encourages someone today.
Have you ever been required to do something that you knew was doomed before you began? Or something seemed like a good idea at the time but later it became obvious that it was going to fail? Or perhaps through circumstances beyond your control you found yourself on the sidelines watching the game of life instead of participating in it?
This feeling of futility can cause depression and is one that I have often observed. You have probably encountered it, too; perhaps even suffered from it yourself occasionally.
It can often be identified when a person throws up his hands in exasperation and says, “What’s the use?” This question signals that the person believes failure is imminent and concludes that further effort is a complete waste of time.
Futility often either strikes those who are having a hard time recovering from illness, the elderly who have been confined to hospitals and nursing homes, or preachers who pour their hearts into their ministries only to feel that no lives are being changed. There might be other circumstances that cause it to surface as well.
It is not uncommon for those whose health was once vigorous to reach the point of depression when they become so ill that their recovery, if indeed recovery comes at all, takes longer than anticipated. Perhaps the rapid advances in the field of medicine have tempted us to believe that almost anything can be cured instantaneously. This is not so, even though we are blessed to have excellent medical care available.
When I visit nursing homes I hear over and over again the following complaint, “Why has God left me here? He should just take me home. I cannot do anything anymore.”
I had an elderly aunt who lived in a nursing facility. She was once a vibrant, untiring worker for the Lord. Ruby was my grandma’s youngest sister and the sole survivor of her generation. She had no children of her own and her beloved husband of many years had died several years before. She would open her heart to me in frustration whenever I visited and I am sure she did likewise to any who walked through her door. Her mind was as sharp as ever but her body had failed her miserably.
One day I told her, “Aunt Ruby, God left you here because your job is not finished. If it were, He would take you home. I think I know one reason why you are still here with us on earth. You’ve seen a lot in your 95 years and you’ve ministered to many people. You know better than anyone the obstacles a minister and his wife encounter. Your new assignment is to be a retired soldier who prays for those who are on the front lines. Your job is to pray for us.”
She smiled at me and told me that I was right. She prayed for me and for all of her large group of nieces and nephews, all 4 generations of us, daily. Whenever I visited after that I would ask her if she was remembering to pray. The gentle reminder of our previous conversation would cheer her a little. A few times she told me of some opportunities that she encountered to witness for the Lord there in the nursing home. When she died some of my cousins said they couldn’t grieve because she wanted to go home. I didn’t grieve for her but I grieved terribly for myself. I lost an intercessory prayer warrior.
In my position as pastor’s wife I have met many families going to and returning from the mission fields. Those going are excited and challenged by their future. Those returning often show signs of depression caused by futility. The worst case I ever encountered was of a missionary family who had spent years in Norway without making a single convert. They did not question that God had called them to that field but they did question why He did not give them a harvest for their years of faithful sowing. After another unsuccessful attempt they returned home to seek further direction from the Lord.
Such despondency is not reserved just for those who minister in foreign countries. Many domestic pastors reach the same level of frustration when they prepare spiritual food each week only to see their congregations reject nutrition for worldly junk food.
Noah was just such a preacher. Like us, he was only a sinner saved by grace. He believed God and obeyed Him by building the ark to save mankind and the animal kingdom from extinction. According to II Peter 2:5, Noah was preaching as he was building. It is evident that none heeded as the only ones who entered the ark were Noah and his family. In Noah’s case, preaching to the masses was futile.
But obeying God was not futile. Noah and his family did not suffer the same fate that the rest of mankind did. They were spared certain destruction.
After Noah and his family disembarked from the ark he became a vineyard keeper. I do not pretend to understand all that happened in the next event that the Bible reveals, but whatever it was, it was sinful. I wonder if those years of futile preaching had anything to do with Noah’s drunkenness.
We rejoice in the story of Noah’s triumphant salvation from the flood but do we consider what his life was like after it? Perhaps all those years of preaching without having even one convert tore at this heart. Perhaps the faces of people he knew who perished in the flood haunted him at night in his dreams. His neighbors all died. Not only did they die a physical death but they died a spiritual one as well. That realization alone would be hard to bear.
Perhaps the loneliness of having no one beside family with whom to converse caused Noah to escape reality through alcohol. This is all speculation. Only God and Noah know what went on in Noah’s heart during those years when the earth’s population was sparse. I can only surmise that the memory of its former population lived on in his mind.
Unlike Adam and Eve who lived alone in the world with just their own family and knew no differently, Noah and his family could possibly have longed for the people they knew previously. Perhaps their own impotence to make others believe the message depressed them. The Bible doesn’t say if it did but what it does say in the gospels is that things are not so different today than they were in the days of Noah. I think it is reasonable to conclude that the feeling of futility existed then as well.
What is the remedy to futility?
First, read the book of Philippians. The Apostle Paul wrote this letter to the saints, including us, while imprisoned. Yet it is full of encouragement. Paul used the words “joy” and “rejoicing” often. He spoke of consolation, otherwise defined as comfort. He said to look to Christ if we want an example of how the Messiah handled being taken from a lofty position to a humiliating one. Paul told us that he himself learned to be content no matter in what condition he found himself. Evidently there is no excuse for not experiencing joy.
Second, realize that you still have a ministry. It may not be the one you had or wanted to have, but you still have one. Time and circumstances change what we do and the way we do it but it does not change the commission.
Third, think on the proper things (Philippians 4:8, 9). That might mean not watching depressing television shows or listening to depressing radio programs. It might mean rejoicing in small victories like being able to get dressed for the day or filling your mind with inspiring stories.
Fourth, remember who you are serving. Pastors and Christian workers often need to be reminded that it isn’t a matter of notching conversions on their Bible. It is a matter of doing exactly what Noah did by warning everyone to flee from the wrath to come. Let God take care of the results, if any. Remain faithful in spite of the results or lack thereof.
Fifth, if ministering in one field proves to be futile, try ministering elsewhere. Jesus told his disciples not to waste time on cities where the people did not welcome the good news. He said to shake the dust of that city off their clothes and go to another. Shouldn’t we do likewise?
Sixth, know that there is an answer to the question, “What’s the use?” The answer is that you are influencing someone whether you know it or not. Time is ticking by. Someday your children, grandchildren, friend, neighbor, or total stranger might be in the same predicament that you are in now. The way you handle yours will teach them negatively or positively. It is your choice. You are to be a testimony of God’s grace no matter what comes your way.
Seventh, do not quit. Nowhere in the Bible does God allow us to resign. What you are doing is not futile if God put you in that situation. Only He knows the day of our death and until that time He expects us to be doing His work. This means that we should not give up when it comes to striving for better health, or telling others about the salvation from sin that God offers.
Eighth, encourage others. Ask God to show you someone who needs your encouragement and then obey when He answers. Even people in nursing homes can encourage their visitors. I know. I’ve been encouraged many times by residents I’ve gone to encourage. It is all a matter of their attitude.
It was God’s message in Noah’s day and it is still God’s message today. We are just the messengers. Go spread that message. There is a plan and a purpose even if only God knows what it is.
Don’t quit!
Have you ever been required to do something that you knew was doomed before you began? Or something seemed like a good idea at the time but later it became obvious that it was going to fail? Or perhaps through circumstances beyond your control you found yourself on the sidelines watching the game of life instead of participating in it?
This feeling of futility can cause depression and is one that I have often observed. You have probably encountered it, too; perhaps even suffered from it yourself occasionally.
It can often be identified when a person throws up his hands in exasperation and says, “What’s the use?” This question signals that the person believes failure is imminent and concludes that further effort is a complete waste of time.
Futility often either strikes those who are having a hard time recovering from illness, the elderly who have been confined to hospitals and nursing homes, or preachers who pour their hearts into their ministries only to feel that no lives are being changed. There might be other circumstances that cause it to surface as well.
It is not uncommon for those whose health was once vigorous to reach the point of depression when they become so ill that their recovery, if indeed recovery comes at all, takes longer than anticipated. Perhaps the rapid advances in the field of medicine have tempted us to believe that almost anything can be cured instantaneously. This is not so, even though we are blessed to have excellent medical care available.
When I visit nursing homes I hear over and over again the following complaint, “Why has God left me here? He should just take me home. I cannot do anything anymore.”
I had an elderly aunt who lived in a nursing facility. She was once a vibrant, untiring worker for the Lord. Ruby was my grandma’s youngest sister and the sole survivor of her generation. She had no children of her own and her beloved husband of many years had died several years before. She would open her heart to me in frustration whenever I visited and I am sure she did likewise to any who walked through her door. Her mind was as sharp as ever but her body had failed her miserably.
One day I told her, “Aunt Ruby, God left you here because your job is not finished. If it were, He would take you home. I think I know one reason why you are still here with us on earth. You’ve seen a lot in your 95 years and you’ve ministered to many people. You know better than anyone the obstacles a minister and his wife encounter. Your new assignment is to be a retired soldier who prays for those who are on the front lines. Your job is to pray for us.”
She smiled at me and told me that I was right. She prayed for me and for all of her large group of nieces and nephews, all 4 generations of us, daily. Whenever I visited after that I would ask her if she was remembering to pray. The gentle reminder of our previous conversation would cheer her a little. A few times she told me of some opportunities that she encountered to witness for the Lord there in the nursing home. When she died some of my cousins said they couldn’t grieve because she wanted to go home. I didn’t grieve for her but I grieved terribly for myself. I lost an intercessory prayer warrior.
In my position as pastor’s wife I have met many families going to and returning from the mission fields. Those going are excited and challenged by their future. Those returning often show signs of depression caused by futility. The worst case I ever encountered was of a missionary family who had spent years in Norway without making a single convert. They did not question that God had called them to that field but they did question why He did not give them a harvest for their years of faithful sowing. After another unsuccessful attempt they returned home to seek further direction from the Lord.
Such despondency is not reserved just for those who minister in foreign countries. Many domestic pastors reach the same level of frustration when they prepare spiritual food each week only to see their congregations reject nutrition for worldly junk food.
Noah was just such a preacher. Like us, he was only a sinner saved by grace. He believed God and obeyed Him by building the ark to save mankind and the animal kingdom from extinction. According to II Peter 2:5, Noah was preaching as he was building. It is evident that none heeded as the only ones who entered the ark were Noah and his family. In Noah’s case, preaching to the masses was futile.
But obeying God was not futile. Noah and his family did not suffer the same fate that the rest of mankind did. They were spared certain destruction.
After Noah and his family disembarked from the ark he became a vineyard keeper. I do not pretend to understand all that happened in the next event that the Bible reveals, but whatever it was, it was sinful. I wonder if those years of futile preaching had anything to do with Noah’s drunkenness.
We rejoice in the story of Noah’s triumphant salvation from the flood but do we consider what his life was like after it? Perhaps all those years of preaching without having even one convert tore at this heart. Perhaps the faces of people he knew who perished in the flood haunted him at night in his dreams. His neighbors all died. Not only did they die a physical death but they died a spiritual one as well. That realization alone would be hard to bear.
Perhaps the loneliness of having no one beside family with whom to converse caused Noah to escape reality through alcohol. This is all speculation. Only God and Noah know what went on in Noah’s heart during those years when the earth’s population was sparse. I can only surmise that the memory of its former population lived on in his mind.
Unlike Adam and Eve who lived alone in the world with just their own family and knew no differently, Noah and his family could possibly have longed for the people they knew previously. Perhaps their own impotence to make others believe the message depressed them. The Bible doesn’t say if it did but what it does say in the gospels is that things are not so different today than they were in the days of Noah. I think it is reasonable to conclude that the feeling of futility existed then as well.
What is the remedy to futility?
First, read the book of Philippians. The Apostle Paul wrote this letter to the saints, including us, while imprisoned. Yet it is full of encouragement. Paul used the words “joy” and “rejoicing” often. He spoke of consolation, otherwise defined as comfort. He said to look to Christ if we want an example of how the Messiah handled being taken from a lofty position to a humiliating one. Paul told us that he himself learned to be content no matter in what condition he found himself. Evidently there is no excuse for not experiencing joy.
Second, realize that you still have a ministry. It may not be the one you had or wanted to have, but you still have one. Time and circumstances change what we do and the way we do it but it does not change the commission.
Third, think on the proper things (Philippians 4:8, 9). That might mean not watching depressing television shows or listening to depressing radio programs. It might mean rejoicing in small victories like being able to get dressed for the day or filling your mind with inspiring stories.
Fourth, remember who you are serving. Pastors and Christian workers often need to be reminded that it isn’t a matter of notching conversions on their Bible. It is a matter of doing exactly what Noah did by warning everyone to flee from the wrath to come. Let God take care of the results, if any. Remain faithful in spite of the results or lack thereof.
Fifth, if ministering in one field proves to be futile, try ministering elsewhere. Jesus told his disciples not to waste time on cities where the people did not welcome the good news. He said to shake the dust of that city off their clothes and go to another. Shouldn’t we do likewise?
Sixth, know that there is an answer to the question, “What’s the use?” The answer is that you are influencing someone whether you know it or not. Time is ticking by. Someday your children, grandchildren, friend, neighbor, or total stranger might be in the same predicament that you are in now. The way you handle yours will teach them negatively or positively. It is your choice. You are to be a testimony of God’s grace no matter what comes your way.
Seventh, do not quit. Nowhere in the Bible does God allow us to resign. What you are doing is not futile if God put you in that situation. Only He knows the day of our death and until that time He expects us to be doing His work. This means that we should not give up when it comes to striving for better health, or telling others about the salvation from sin that God offers.
Eighth, encourage others. Ask God to show you someone who needs your encouragement and then obey when He answers. Even people in nursing homes can encourage their visitors. I know. I’ve been encouraged many times by residents I’ve gone to encourage. It is all a matter of their attitude.
It was God’s message in Noah’s day and it is still God’s message today. We are just the messengers. Go spread that message. There is a plan and a purpose even if only God knows what it is.
Don’t quit!
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Perfectionism
I aspire to be Super Mom, the woman who can juggle the needs of husband, children, the ministry, home-schooling, housework, extra curricular activities, and extended family; I expect to do this without breaking into a sweat thereby ruining hair and make-up. The problem with aspiring to be a superhero is that as wonderful as this appears in comic books one does not exist outside the realm of imagination.
If my aspiration seems ridiculous then consider the women that you admire. Most likely you also are either envious of someone who seems to be Super Mom or you have taken a composite of several women and designed your own prototype. Her house and yard are always tidy, her children clean and immaculately dressed in clothing she tailor-made, and she herself is always beautiful, smiling, and happy. The meals she fixes are nutritious and economical, yet appealing. If this is your ideal woman, then you really must read in Genesis 3 about the one woman in the Bible who did experience perfection, however briefly.
Eve was the first woman and was specially created by God to be the wife of the first man, Adam. She did not face some of the challenges that her daughters would such as who to marry, where to live, what to fix for dinner, or what to wear. God arranged all those details before she ever arrived on the scene.
Eve’s abode was within the self-watering, non-weed producing, immaculately-kept Garden of Eden. She, her husband, and their children were to have no wardrobe problems. Their food was readily available and consisted of an ever abundant supply. Her offspring were always going to be obedient to the point of not experiencing sibling rivalry, and their pets would never scratch or bite. Eve was designed by God to be Super Mom and the ancestress of many more like herself.
So what happened?
Satan began to speak to her. He made her question whether or not she had the best of what God had to offer. It would appear that the perfect woman was convinced by Satan that she was not quite perfect enough. There was one more thing that she needed. If she took just one bite she would be a god herself! The thought appealed to her and she succumbed to the temptation. The Bible does not say what the serpent said to her after she had eaten but it doesn’t take much to surmise mockery was involved.
I’ve often listened to the demonic voices whispering in my ear, too. I’ve given into temptation more times than I can count. First the voices tell me that I can be better if I just take one more thing to juggle. After awhile it becomes obvious that I've been deceived as the voices progress to the taunting stage: “You’ve ruined everything again! Every time you fail your family is ashamed of you. You might as well stop trying to serve God and your family. You have no talents or abilities. You are just wasting your time and everyone else’s. You should just give up. You are so defective that it was wrong for you to even have children and pass on your genes to further generations.” When I listen to these voices I have the desire to stop everything and go sit in a corner until I rot. After all, what’s the use? Depression takes up residence in my heart.
Am I the only person on earth who has ever felt – or who now sometimes feels – that way? Do these voices only taunt me? I seriously doubt it. As far as I can tell from scripture and from discussions with others, the little voices constantly spark us on to unobtainable desires only to progress to the place of pointing out our imperfections and capitalizing upon known weaknesses. They delight in making us put on our Super Mom costume and then laughing in derision when our powers fail and we fall flat on our faces.
There is no discounting that what the demonic voices say have some merit in truth. I do have certain obligations and responsibilities. And I am not a perfect wife and mother. I also have caused shame at times, whether for myself or others. I have passed on the defective genetic makeup that I inherited from my parents, who inherited it from their parents, and so on until traced back to this same Eve. But it is not true that I should throw up my hands and quit. It is not an all or nothing proposition.
In my dark moments the demonic voices point out that I cannot reconcile the public persona of the Super Mom pastor’s wife with the private person that my husband and children sometimes encounter. The cries of, “Hypocrite!” ring in my ear loudly. What if my children tell anyone what I am like when I am depressed or angry? What will people think of me? What happens to my image? And if the voices really have talked me into reaching the point of despair they get me thinking that God is unfair. Why did He make me this way in the first place? Doesn’t He want me to better myself? What is God withholding from me?
I cannot think of a more vivid and depressing picture of what can happen when a woman discovers that an idyllic life is unattainable than the story we encountered several years ago of one who listened to the voices. She and her two sons lived in our community. One son was grown and in the military. The other was in high school. The woman was divorced and her ex-husband lived in another state.
The older son went to visit his mother during his leave. While he was home she drugged and killed him. When the younger son arrived she killed him, too, and then herself also. The news of the double-murder suicide rocked our small town.
My husband was often asked by a local funeral director to conduct the services of those who had no church affiliation and he was asked to preach the funeral of these three. As he prepared for this event correspondence that the woman had written was released. She stated that she wanted to end her life, but she did not want her genes to pass on to other generations. Therefore she took the lives of her sons as well. If you don’t think that those whispers are real then you better think again. This is just one example of how powerful the lies of Satan can be.
How different this story would be if the woman had listened to scriptures instead of to the antithesis. It was too late for her and her sons. Only the living heard the hope found in the gospel in that packed chapel. But even on that day Satan had someone present to snatch the scripture seeds planted in grieving hearts. A cult leader appeared at the graveside demanding to consecrate the graves. Everything he said or did contradicted the gospel that had just been preached.
What if Eve’s response to her sin had been the same as this mother’s? Unlike her, Eve did not destroy her children in order to prevent corruption from spreading. Instead, one of her sons almost did. It is never easy to see one’s own sinfulness displayed in offspring, but to have one rise up and kill another was a graphic lesson of the wages of sin that came due the day she ignored God and listened to the serpent.
Where is the hope? Everything mentioned so far has only served to highlight the depressing circumstances of life.
The hope is found within Eve’s own story. In Genesis 3:15 God promised her that through her own descendants would come redemption. God promised to send a Son who would ultimately defeat the wicked one.
We know that Eve believed God because the naming of her firstborn “Cain” seems to indicate that she knew that obtaining a man from the LORD was the desired objective. She said as much. When it became obvious that neither Cain, nor Abel, were the promised Seed she named the son born after the murderous event “Seth” which means “appointed.” If Eve had destroyed her children to prevent the continuation of the sin nature her own Redeemer could never have been born. Only by bearing children and allowing the human race to perpetuate could she have any hope of salvation. I do not pretend to understand all that I Timothy 2:13-15 means but I know that childbearing is what enabled Eve to experience redemption because it ultimately led to the birth of her own Savior and descendant, Jesus Christ.
What is the remedy to perfectionism?
It is time to hang up the Super Mom costume – no, destroy it completely – and find something more suitable. Unlike the one-size-too-small dress that hangs in your closet waiting for you to lose those extra pounds, the Super Mom costume will never fit no matter what you do.
It is time to put away the fear of what others will think once they know we are mere mortals. Do we really think that anyone believes our self-aggrandized press releases? Are you worried about who will know? Everyone knows of Eve’s failure. God inspired hers to be documented through His Word and intended everyone to read it. Failure doesn’t get any more public than that!
What can we do practically?
First, realize perfection no longer exists in the human realm. Its only hope died when sin came into the world. Even Eve, the perfect woman, was convinced by Satan that there was more perfection that she could achieve. Is it any wonder that we succumb so easily?
Second, realize that those voices enticing you first to perfectionism then later to shame are just as demonic as the serpent who spoke with Eve. They are not your conscience or even the Holy Spirit within you. They are evil. Know your enemy.
Third, realize that the voices are telling you half-truths at best. Yes, there are enough facts included to confuse you. That’s the point. Search the scriptures to see if everything you are hearing is true. More than likely, it isn’t.
Fourth, spend time with God in prayer. The two-way conversation found by reading scripture and talking back to God will help quiet the anti-God voices. It is hard to listen to the voices that feed depression if God is talking to you and you are talking to Him. No one can get a word in edgewise.
Fifth, realize that life goes on even in its sinful condition. Focus upon the beauty found within your redeemed self and in the world around you.
Sixth, sing! Sing praises to God whether you feel like it or not. The voices don't like songs that praise Jesus.
Seventh, if you truly think some other woman is Super Mom you need to pray for her. She isn’t. Either you’ve placed her upon a pedestal or she is working feverishly to try to stay upon one of her own making. Satan will do his best to bring her down just to discourage all who buy into the myth. Pray for her. If you happen to discover her weaknesses, don’t exploit them. Tearing others down to make yourself look better only serves to make the opposite happen.
Eighth, pray for me and I’ll pray for you. Pray for all of our daughters. The tendency to achieve Super Mom status seems to grow with each succeeding generation. Our culture demands it.
Lastly, realize that the superhuman expectations that you put upon yourself are unrealistic because you do not have the power to sustain them. Any superhuman expectations God puts upon you are realistic because He will provide the power to perform them. Ultimately, God expects us to be perfect, but He provides the means for achieving it through the sacrifice of His Son, Jesus Christ.
Be perfect in Christ. Do not be a perfectionist.
If my aspiration seems ridiculous then consider the women that you admire. Most likely you also are either envious of someone who seems to be Super Mom or you have taken a composite of several women and designed your own prototype. Her house and yard are always tidy, her children clean and immaculately dressed in clothing she tailor-made, and she herself is always beautiful, smiling, and happy. The meals she fixes are nutritious and economical, yet appealing. If this is your ideal woman, then you really must read in Genesis 3 about the one woman in the Bible who did experience perfection, however briefly.
Eve was the first woman and was specially created by God to be the wife of the first man, Adam. She did not face some of the challenges that her daughters would such as who to marry, where to live, what to fix for dinner, or what to wear. God arranged all those details before she ever arrived on the scene.
Eve’s abode was within the self-watering, non-weed producing, immaculately-kept Garden of Eden. She, her husband, and their children were to have no wardrobe problems. Their food was readily available and consisted of an ever abundant supply. Her offspring were always going to be obedient to the point of not experiencing sibling rivalry, and their pets would never scratch or bite. Eve was designed by God to be Super Mom and the ancestress of many more like herself.
So what happened?
Satan began to speak to her. He made her question whether or not she had the best of what God had to offer. It would appear that the perfect woman was convinced by Satan that she was not quite perfect enough. There was one more thing that she needed. If she took just one bite she would be a god herself! The thought appealed to her and she succumbed to the temptation. The Bible does not say what the serpent said to her after she had eaten but it doesn’t take much to surmise mockery was involved.
I’ve often listened to the demonic voices whispering in my ear, too. I’ve given into temptation more times than I can count. First the voices tell me that I can be better if I just take one more thing to juggle. After awhile it becomes obvious that I've been deceived as the voices progress to the taunting stage: “You’ve ruined everything again! Every time you fail your family is ashamed of you. You might as well stop trying to serve God and your family. You have no talents or abilities. You are just wasting your time and everyone else’s. You should just give up. You are so defective that it was wrong for you to even have children and pass on your genes to further generations.” When I listen to these voices I have the desire to stop everything and go sit in a corner until I rot. After all, what’s the use? Depression takes up residence in my heart.
Am I the only person on earth who has ever felt – or who now sometimes feels – that way? Do these voices only taunt me? I seriously doubt it. As far as I can tell from scripture and from discussions with others, the little voices constantly spark us on to unobtainable desires only to progress to the place of pointing out our imperfections and capitalizing upon known weaknesses. They delight in making us put on our Super Mom costume and then laughing in derision when our powers fail and we fall flat on our faces.
There is no discounting that what the demonic voices say have some merit in truth. I do have certain obligations and responsibilities. And I am not a perfect wife and mother. I also have caused shame at times, whether for myself or others. I have passed on the defective genetic makeup that I inherited from my parents, who inherited it from their parents, and so on until traced back to this same Eve. But it is not true that I should throw up my hands and quit. It is not an all or nothing proposition.
In my dark moments the demonic voices point out that I cannot reconcile the public persona of the Super Mom pastor’s wife with the private person that my husband and children sometimes encounter. The cries of, “Hypocrite!” ring in my ear loudly. What if my children tell anyone what I am like when I am depressed or angry? What will people think of me? What happens to my image? And if the voices really have talked me into reaching the point of despair they get me thinking that God is unfair. Why did He make me this way in the first place? Doesn’t He want me to better myself? What is God withholding from me?
I cannot think of a more vivid and depressing picture of what can happen when a woman discovers that an idyllic life is unattainable than the story we encountered several years ago of one who listened to the voices. She and her two sons lived in our community. One son was grown and in the military. The other was in high school. The woman was divorced and her ex-husband lived in another state.
The older son went to visit his mother during his leave. While he was home she drugged and killed him. When the younger son arrived she killed him, too, and then herself also. The news of the double-murder suicide rocked our small town.
My husband was often asked by a local funeral director to conduct the services of those who had no church affiliation and he was asked to preach the funeral of these three. As he prepared for this event correspondence that the woman had written was released. She stated that she wanted to end her life, but she did not want her genes to pass on to other generations. Therefore she took the lives of her sons as well. If you don’t think that those whispers are real then you better think again. This is just one example of how powerful the lies of Satan can be.
How different this story would be if the woman had listened to scriptures instead of to the antithesis. It was too late for her and her sons. Only the living heard the hope found in the gospel in that packed chapel. But even on that day Satan had someone present to snatch the scripture seeds planted in grieving hearts. A cult leader appeared at the graveside demanding to consecrate the graves. Everything he said or did contradicted the gospel that had just been preached.
What if Eve’s response to her sin had been the same as this mother’s? Unlike her, Eve did not destroy her children in order to prevent corruption from spreading. Instead, one of her sons almost did. It is never easy to see one’s own sinfulness displayed in offspring, but to have one rise up and kill another was a graphic lesson of the wages of sin that came due the day she ignored God and listened to the serpent.
Where is the hope? Everything mentioned so far has only served to highlight the depressing circumstances of life.
The hope is found within Eve’s own story. In Genesis 3:15 God promised her that through her own descendants would come redemption. God promised to send a Son who would ultimately defeat the wicked one.
We know that Eve believed God because the naming of her firstborn “Cain” seems to indicate that she knew that obtaining a man from the LORD was the desired objective. She said as much. When it became obvious that neither Cain, nor Abel, were the promised Seed she named the son born after the murderous event “Seth” which means “appointed.” If Eve had destroyed her children to prevent the continuation of the sin nature her own Redeemer could never have been born. Only by bearing children and allowing the human race to perpetuate could she have any hope of salvation. I do not pretend to understand all that I Timothy 2:13-15 means but I know that childbearing is what enabled Eve to experience redemption because it ultimately led to the birth of her own Savior and descendant, Jesus Christ.
What is the remedy to perfectionism?
It is time to hang up the Super Mom costume – no, destroy it completely – and find something more suitable. Unlike the one-size-too-small dress that hangs in your closet waiting for you to lose those extra pounds, the Super Mom costume will never fit no matter what you do.
It is time to put away the fear of what others will think once they know we are mere mortals. Do we really think that anyone believes our self-aggrandized press releases? Are you worried about who will know? Everyone knows of Eve’s failure. God inspired hers to be documented through His Word and intended everyone to read it. Failure doesn’t get any more public than that!
What can we do practically?
First, realize perfection no longer exists in the human realm. Its only hope died when sin came into the world. Even Eve, the perfect woman, was convinced by Satan that there was more perfection that she could achieve. Is it any wonder that we succumb so easily?
Second, realize that those voices enticing you first to perfectionism then later to shame are just as demonic as the serpent who spoke with Eve. They are not your conscience or even the Holy Spirit within you. They are evil. Know your enemy.
Third, realize that the voices are telling you half-truths at best. Yes, there are enough facts included to confuse you. That’s the point. Search the scriptures to see if everything you are hearing is true. More than likely, it isn’t.
Fourth, spend time with God in prayer. The two-way conversation found by reading scripture and talking back to God will help quiet the anti-God voices. It is hard to listen to the voices that feed depression if God is talking to you and you are talking to Him. No one can get a word in edgewise.
Fifth, realize that life goes on even in its sinful condition. Focus upon the beauty found within your redeemed self and in the world around you.
Sixth, sing! Sing praises to God whether you feel like it or not. The voices don't like songs that praise Jesus.
Seventh, if you truly think some other woman is Super Mom you need to pray for her. She isn’t. Either you’ve placed her upon a pedestal or she is working feverishly to try to stay upon one of her own making. Satan will do his best to bring her down just to discourage all who buy into the myth. Pray for her. If you happen to discover her weaknesses, don’t exploit them. Tearing others down to make yourself look better only serves to make the opposite happen.
Eighth, pray for me and I’ll pray for you. Pray for all of our daughters. The tendency to achieve Super Mom status seems to grow with each succeeding generation. Our culture demands it.
Lastly, realize that the superhuman expectations that you put upon yourself are unrealistic because you do not have the power to sustain them. Any superhuman expectations God puts upon you are realistic because He will provide the power to perform them. Ultimately, God expects us to be perfect, but He provides the means for achieving it through the sacrifice of His Son, Jesus Christ.
Be perfect in Christ. Do not be a perfectionist.
Practical Theology
I mentioned yesterday that I awoke early and passed the morning before I remembered to eat because I was feasting upon something much better. The idea for a series of devotions came to me the other day as I was pondering something that traps me from time to time. That sin is depression. It seems like such a dirty word. In fact it is, and it should be. Let's not sugarcoat it, okay? It is sin. I am not talking about the type of depression that has its root in chemical imbalance or other physical causes. I'm talking about the spiritual depression that comes from outside the realm of medicine.
I asked the Lord to help me to understand. Why am I vulnerable to it? What can I do to combat it? Mine is not something that strikes that often, but when it does it can be debilitating.
The Lord spoke to me as though He were sitting in the room with me, which He was, through His Word and the indwelling of the Holy Spirit. What He told me is that this is not a unique thing and that it has many causes. I sat down and made a list of the "hot buttons" that are pushed to get me spiraling downward. And then I thought of others who suffer also. Their hot buttons are not necessarily the same as mine. The Lord told me that Solomon wrote in Ecclesiastes that there is nothing new under the sun. If that is so, then there must be incidents of depression-causing "hot buttons" in the Bible.
This, people, is where the rubber meets the road. It is okay to hold theological views, but if they don't help you face your day-to-day life then your views are not practical. They are worthless.
I got up yesterday morning with the anticipation of putting together a devotional study of depression. I made a list of over 20 "hot buttons" that I could document from scripture. Wow! I was so excited! I wrote my first devotion yesterday.
I'm not sure how to ultimately present these. I think I will post my first essay here and get your opinion on whether or not to display them for public consumption or whether to just keep my devotions between the Lord and me.
Please understand what I am asking:
I asked the Lord to help me to understand. Why am I vulnerable to it? What can I do to combat it? Mine is not something that strikes that often, but when it does it can be debilitating.
The Lord spoke to me as though He were sitting in the room with me, which He was, through His Word and the indwelling of the Holy Spirit. What He told me is that this is not a unique thing and that it has many causes. I sat down and made a list of the "hot buttons" that are pushed to get me spiraling downward. And then I thought of others who suffer also. Their hot buttons are not necessarily the same as mine. The Lord told me that Solomon wrote in Ecclesiastes that there is nothing new under the sun. If that is so, then there must be incidents of depression-causing "hot buttons" in the Bible.
This, people, is where the rubber meets the road. It is okay to hold theological views, but if they don't help you face your day-to-day life then your views are not practical. They are worthless.
I got up yesterday morning with the anticipation of putting together a devotional study of depression. I made a list of over 20 "hot buttons" that I could document from scripture. Wow! I was so excited! I wrote my first devotion yesterday.
I'm not sure how to ultimately present these. I think I will post my first essay here and get your opinion on whether or not to display them for public consumption or whether to just keep my devotions between the Lord and me.
Please understand what I am asking:
- I do not want my writing to be critiqued. The writing is not professional. It is personal.
- I do not want to debate theology. You have yours and I have mine. I am trying to put mine to work in my life.
- I am asking you whether this is something that you'd like me to post more of as I write them. That's it in a nutshell. If you find this example to be helpful I will include more as I get them written. If you are not interested in this type of writing from me, just say so. I won't be offended by the votes of "yea" or "nay." I just want to share if you find it helpful.
Subscribe to:
Posts
(
Atom
)