Victimization

This is the sixth lesson in the series on Biblically understanding the causes of depression.

The first lesson: Perfectionism.
The second lesson:Futility.
The third lesson:Idolatry.
The fourth lesson:Worldliness.
The fifth lesson: Guilt.


Adults are supposed to take care of children. Older people nurture younger people. This is something that we all know, or should know. But sometimes things go desperately wrong.

In last week’s lesson we looked at guilt as something that can depress us. In that case, the person is the perpetrator who wronged another. In this week’s lesson we will study depression from the other side: from the perspective of a victim.

It is an interesting fact that both the perpetrator and the victim can experience depression as a result of sin. One would think that only the guilty would feel this way, but this is not the case. Indeed, some who are guilty seem never to suffer any feelings of remorse at all. Being a victim may cause more depression than being the instigator. This is especially true if the guilty party never repents.

It is here that I must interject my understanding of Biblical forgiveness. Forgiveness follows repentance. If the wrongdoer does not repent of the evil that he has done, he cannot be forgiven by the victim. This is the way that God deals with sinners. Bitterness is another thing entirely. The Bible teaches that we should let go of bitterness because it does nothing to hurt the wrongdoer but causes further hurt to the victim.

This is a hard lesson for me to write. Like the lesson about idolatry I have some experience in this area but without the extreme conditions that others have faced. I do not think this makes my experiences any less traumatic for me, but mine could be perceived as trivial when compared to those of others.

Many adults today bear the emotional scars of sexual abuse. The offense against them was usually committed by the very people who should have been protecting them: adult relatives. I have not read recent statistics but at one time it was estimated that 1 in 4 people would suffer sexual abuse. There is no telling how many would be children but I think it can be assumed that it would be a high percentage.

That is not my story but I do feel that my family and I were victims of a very sadistic and cruel individual. In our case the abuse was one of terror and fear. I was naïve enough as a young pastor’s wife to think that such assaults only happened to missionaries on foreign fields. Evidently this is not so.

In one of the churches where my husband was the pastor there was a man who tried to control our lives. He appeared to be obsessed with everything about us including our ministry, our children, and our friendships. He was careful to never leave direct evidence that could be taken to authorities. This person was a coward. I can safely say that he was a terrorist. Terrorists are cowards who gain notoriety by making victims of women and children.

Anonymous hate mail carrying postmarks from outside our city would arrive after visits from our friends who are of a different ethnic background. Racism was one trademark of this individual. Also, whenever my husband traveled and left our small children and me at home we would receive threatening phone calls. This was back before caller i.d. At least once one of the children answered the phone and the person with the disguised voice threatened my child. Usually I answered the call and the disguised voice would either say things of an obscene or a threatening nature.

At first it was not obvious who was behind these acts but after awhile we figured it out and decided to test our hypothesis with an experiment. It was my husband’s habit to announce to the congregation that he was going out of town. It became evident that it was someone who sat in the pew each week who was taking note of my husband’s announced absences. My husband never again announced that he would be gone. Only those who needed to know were told. The calls stopped immediately. Since there were other reasons to suspect this person – he was not well mannered even when he was not committing criminal acts – it was not difficult to surmise the culprit’s identity.

It is not a new thing for a person to become a victim of someone who is supposed to love and pray for him. Joseph was a young man who was victimized by the very people who should have been concerned for his well-being: his older brothers. Parents of multiple children depend upon the older siblings to care for the younger. It is a matter of trust. In the case of Joseph, it was his brothers who argued among themselves about whether or not they should kill him. Finally it was decided that they should make a profit by selling him as a slave to a caravan of traders on their way to Egypt. They then had to make it look as though he had been attacked by a wild animal.

The day came when Joseph was revealed to his brothers as the savior of their very lives. I know that if most of us had our way the story may have ended a bit differently with the brothers going back to Canaan empty-handed. In God’s providence Jacob’s family was spared from certain starvation. Notice that whenever Joseph and his brothers discussed the prior deed their guilt is not passed over as though they had done no wrong. The brothers admitted the guilt in chapter 45 and again in chapter 50. Their repentance became as well-known as their sin. Joseph knew that they meant him harm and said as much. But God was able to salvage something good from that evil act.

Why do the victims react to their victimization with depression? I suspect it has much to do with vulnerability. There is something about being a victim that mimics being a hunted animal. The violation of one’s person, whether emotional or physical, is not easily overcome. I confess to you that at times I lived in fear which is exactly what our tormentor wanted. Victims are ashamed. They feel as though they are not worthy to live. The perpetrator is not the real winner. Satan is. Satan wins a battle each time that the victim relives the victimization and experiences depression because of it. This truly is guilt that is misplaced. The guilt belongs to the abuser but the abused picks it up and carries it with them throughout their lives unless someone interferes and tells them to put it down.

I am very glad to say that someone has interfered. Jesus tells us that He has taken upon himself our guilt. If we are not even to carry our own guilt we surely are not meant to shoulder the guilt that does not belong to us. God can then use the event to build something good from the devastation if we will let Him. It might be hard to see how that can be. I doubt that Joseph could see the big picture during those years between the time his brothers abused him and their arrival in Egypt. It wasn’t until the famine that Joseph was able to discern something good that could come from it.

This cause of depression is slightly different from any that we have studied so far. All of the others were caused by problems that we bring about ourselves. Perfectionism, feelings of futility, idolatry, worldliness, and guilt are all actions and attitudes that we control. This cause of depression is caused by the actions of someone else.

I have good news. We are not helpless. When it comes to fighting this cause of depression we have the largest spiritual warhead known to man. The words of comfort that are found in scripture are not mere words. I do not have steps for us to follow to fight this cause of depression. This week I will list only scripture verses because God can say it so much better than I can.

To me belongeth vengeance, and recompense; their foot shall slide in due time: for the day of their calamity is at hand, and the things that shall come upon them make haste. For the LORD shall judge his people, and repent himself for his servants, when he seeth that their power is gone, and there is none shut up, or left. Deuteronomy 32:35, 36

Psalm 94 – (Read it yourself in its entirety. Here are a few verses from it) O LORD God, to whom vengeance belongeth; O God, to whom vengeance belongeth, shew thyself. Lift up thyself, thou judge of the earth: render a reward to the proud. LORD, how long shall the wicked, how long shall the wicked triumph?...Yet they say, the LORD shall not see, neither shall the God of Jacob regard it. Understand, ye brutish among the people: and ye fools, when will ye be wise? He that planted the ear, shall he not hear? He that formed the eye, shall he not see?...Who will rise up for me against the evildoers? Or who will stand up for me against the workers of iniquity? Unless the LORD had been my help, my soul had almost dwelt in silence. When I said, my foot slippeth; thy mercy, O LORD held me up. In the multitude of my thoughts within me thy comforts delight my soul….But the LORD is my defence; and my God is the rock of my refuge. And he shall bring upon them their own iniquity, and shall cut them off in their own wickedness; yea, the LORD our God shall cut them off. Verses 1-3, 7-9, 16-19, 22-23

Recompense to no man evil for evil. Provide things honest in the sight of all men. If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men. Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord. Therefore if thy enemy hunger, feed him, if he thirst, give him drink: for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head. Be not overcome with evil, but overcome evil with good. Romans 12:17-21 (See also Proverbs 25:21-22)

Dear Lord Jesus,

Help us to allow you to settle the score. Help us to give up the bitterness that poisons our souls. May our lives not be overcome by the depression that comes from being a victim of someone else’s sin. And may our abusers repent before their time of judgment arrives. Build something good from these things. Even though our enemies meant these things for our harm may they be used for your good.

In Jesus’ name we pray,

Amen