A Look Back, Birthday Edition

Today is my birthday. I won't tell you how old I am because if you know me you already have that information, and if you don't know me you don't need to know my age. But let's just say for all concerned that I am old enough to be an empty-nester and the Gram of 12 lovely grandchildren who range in age from adult to infant. In other words, I have lived a few years.

Today has been a somewhat quiet Saturday, and I'm not complaining.

I have spent this birthday reflecting on life, on love, on this past year (ugh!) . . . and on what I have accomplished in all the years I've been on earth and what I hope yet to accomplish before I leave it.

Today I've thought about the prayers I've prayed over my lifetime. I remember some of them from my childhood, teenaged years, and young adulthood.

I've thought about the answers to those prayers, how the Lord gave me some of the things I wanted, how He denied me some of the things I wanted, and acknowledged that He did it because He wanted to give me things that are so much better than what I wanted.

Today I read Psalm 90. 

Moses, the writer of the psalm said in verse 12:

"So teach us to number our days, that we may apply our hearts unto wisdom."

This was after he rehearsed the world's history before the LORD, recounting both the sins and the blessings of all generations of the earth up to that date. He then continued with a prayer for future blessings. 

No, I have not attained to the age of Moses when he wrote this psalm, but I certainly understand his contemplation. I have been rehearsing my history before the LORD today and praying for future blessings as well. I can take a calculator and easily number my days. That part about applying my heart unto wisdom is a goal, but is not quite so easily attained. I will still try though.

I remember my sins, but I remember God's grace has covered them and that He has forgiven me.

I remember the sins of others that have affected me, but I remember that God's grace also has covered them and that He has forgiven them, and so have I. If the omniscient God can forget sins, I - the forgetful one - surely can!

I remember those who have died on this date or of the birthdays I've spent at the funeral home on this date because someone I love has been birthed into eternity. I will see them again one day even though I continue to mourn for them. 

I remember those who have been born on this date, those with whom I share the date of 10/10. I wish them all a wonderful day today.

I remember my 18th birthday when my parents held a surprise party for me, but the biggest surprise of the day was that a certain young man walked up to me in the parking lot of the college we attended (he as a senior, me as a not-yet-graduated-from-high-school college freshman) and asked me out on a date. 💘

I don't really remember my 19th birthday, but I know that "Pastor Dad" and I had been married for a couple of months by the time I became a college sophomore and he a seminary student. 

I don't remember my 20th birthday either, but I know we were in the process of becoming full-fledged pastor and pastor's wife in a small church made up of wonderful folks who we've loved and cherished these many years, even long after we moved far away from them.

I do remember my 21st birthday because most of my gifts consisted of maternity clothes to get me through the months until our first little one arrived the following May. 👪 

And on it goes as I recount my history. 

What about the next part of that verse? How can I apply my heart to wisdom? I don't have all the answers, but I think I have a few clues.

• When I rehearse the blessings of God on my life in the past I can look expectantly to the future knowing that the Alpha and Omega, the Beginning and the End has the journey planned for me and knows ever step of the way.
• When I see the provisions the LORD has made for me over all of my years, but especially through this past one (2020!) I can lay all anxiety aside knowing that He is my provider, my protector, my fortress, and my shield.
• When I remember that His mercies are new every morning I can wake up knowing that THIS is the day the LORD has made and I can rejoice and be glad in it, no matter what happens. Every day is a new Today.
• When I look at my parents, my parents-in-law, my husband, my 4 grown children and their spouses, my grandchildren, and all of my beloved relatives and friends I remember that the relationships in my life are the most important gifts that I have received. If these treasured people and I love and trust the Lord these bonds will never be broken but will last throughout eternity.
• When I see how many days have passed and realize that I am past the midpoint of my life I know that I must not waste the time that God has allotted me to serve Him. I must be about the work He has given me to do.

I have experienced many transitions in my life, but the majority of the time I've been on this earth has been spent with the man that I lovingly call "Pastor Dad" on this blog. Here is the birthday card that he gave me today. It is a store-bought card but it beautifully states his feelings of sharing a lifetime with me. I can say in return that I love the story that God has written in our life together. We have witnessed the wonders of God as we have served together in our home and in the ministry and my fervent prayer is that He will allow us many more years to serve Him together.

Today, I am thanking God for what He has done for me and for giving me the work and the lovely people that fill my life with so much joy. If you are one of those people, thank you very much for being part of my life.