If You Need Directions Contact MomMom

Pastor Dad and I talked of getting a GPS. The only problem, besides money, is that we have two cars. Buying one would present a dilemma.

Should it go in Pastor Dad's car? He is the one who occasionally needs help trying to find peoples' addresses while out making visits.

Or should it go in my car? I'm the one driving the Bear all over creation in the name of basketball.

Since Pastor Dad is the one who requested one for Christmas he should rightly be able to lay claim to it. But since I didn't buy him one it is obvious that I didn't pay attention to anything he said when he started listing things. Well, that's not exactly true, but we won't go into that now. I think he liked the gifts he did receive even if I've forgotten what they were just a mere four weeks later. That doesn't mean that he's forgotten. Think quickly, honey. A quiz is obviously coming.

My main reason for not purchasing a GPS for his car is that we've had a fairly reliable system installed for years that works for peanuts - er peanut butter. See previous post.

While others drive around talking to things called On Star, Garmin, and TomTom, my family just calls MomMom. They know she's fairly reliable. And since she's usually at the computer she's fairly quick, too.

The MomMom system has been tested in recent weeks by both Pastor Dad and the Princess. Here is how it works:

Caller: Hey! Are you sitting at the computer?

Lovely female voice:

• Yes. (If so. This is the default mode.)
• No, but I can get there in a hurry. (If not.)

Caller: Look up the address and directions to {fill in the blank} for me.

Lovely female voice: Hold while I check 411.com or Google for the address and phone number. Then I'll check either Mapquest or Expedia maps to find its exact location. In the meantime, please tell me where you are so that I can give you directions.

This system works so well that I know of only 2 people who cannot use it. One is the Bear who is still too young to drive but counting the months (28) until he can. He will surely use this system himself once the coveted driver's license is obtained, unless he is a stubborn male who refuses to ask directions of anyone, particularly the woman with the lovely female voice.

And the other person who cannot use it is me, the lovely female voice. Doesn't that automatically mean that my car should receive the GPS installation should we ever get around to buying one? I'm just saying.

I mean, I talk to myself a lot but usually only when I'm alone or writing this blog, neither of which is particularly helpful when driving to unknown places for away games in obscure locations. While I have talked to myself in those situations (I'm not alone, obviously, but essentially so when the Bear is sleeping in the passenger seat) and lost I've usually said things like, "Stay calm! You're bound to run out of corn fields eventually. There must be a major street somewhere within the next 50 miles or so that will take you back to civilization."

Next time I run into problems maybe I'll call my own MomMom and start out by saying, "Hey! Are you sitting at the computer?"

Seems to be a top-rated system by those who use it.