Expelled from the Mall

Pastor Dad asked Karen and Prince Charming at dinner today what they thought of this story, Since they hadn't heard it they couldn't comment. I guess my hubby thinks I run home immediately and convert everything into a blog post. Not quite. Sometimes it takes me awhile to put things into words. And the fact that today is Sunday could have something to do with it, too. Karen and her Prince have already heard this story. The rest of you are getting it now.


The Bear had an activity to attend last night so Pastor Dad and I dropped him off then decided to spend the intervening hours eating and shopping. We went to the same mall where I had my "missing-wallet-induced panic attack" in December. Last night's outing didn't end much better. I think I'm going to need to find another place to shop because this mall is becoming associated with too many panicky moments.

All was well until we went into one of the department stores to shop for some dress shirts for Pastor Dad. It was getting near closing time but we had several minutes until the official end of the business day. I, in the meantime, needed to visit the Little Girls' Room to take care of some business of my own. Normally, this would not take as long as it did last night. But while I was in there I developed a nose bleed. It seemed to me to make good sense to stay in that lounge until the bleeding stopped because of the supply of tissue, water, etc.

What I didn't know was that it was taking more time to get my nose bleed under control than what store policy allows. A security guard found Pastor Dad standing in the hallway outside the restroom and told him that the store was closed and that he needed to vacate the premises. According to Pastor Dad the guard said, "You need to be out of here in 20 minutes because that's when we release the security dogs." Whether he was joking or not is a matter of debate. Either way, it was clear that they wanted him outta there!

I was totally unaware of this conversation taking place right outside the door and Pastor Dad didn't alert me to it until about 10 minutes later when he was trying to rush me down an escalator. I asked him why he didn't knock on the door to get my attention. I could just as easily have bled all over their floor as opposed to their bathroom sink if they were in such a hurry to get rid of us.

Now, I've been a mother for almost 28 years. I have 4 children and have even been known to babysit my grandchildren on occasion. It really would not have been the first time I've been in a bathroom and heard persistent knocking accompanied by insistent yelling from someone on the other side of the door. Do you follow me?

But that's not the worst of it. Our car was parked outside another entrance at the far end of the mall. And the department store had already put down the barrier bars into the mall corridor. That meant we would need to go outside and walk around the mall in the cold.

But even that's not the worst of it. Some Barney Fife decided to lock all of the doors. Yes, even those leading to the outside. Several of us late shoppers were trapped inside until Pastor Dad reached around an upset mom with a baby asleep in a stroller who was standing there like some caged animal blocking the doors. Alarm or no alarm, we were getting out that door! (There was no alarm, but at this point anything was possible.)

Once out in the free air we started the hike to the car. I was beginning to wish I'd brought a backpack and provisions for the journey. If I'd known this I would've agreed to that doggy bag the waitress tried to get me to take earlier. Or a cup of coffee in a carry-out mug would've been even better.

Part way around we found streams of others vacating through one of the main mall doors. We held the door open for them and then hastily made our way back inside before any of the security guards saw us. We walked the rest of the way within the confines of the mall and exited the premises near our car just as the mall security began shining bright spotlights on the remaining cars in the lot. I'm beginning to suspect that this mall is not in the best part of town or something. Just maybe. And that part about the dogs doesn't seem so far-fetched anymore.

Never let it be said that Pastor Dad doesn't know how to show his girl an exciting time on a date. After 31 years he still knows how to get my heart a-pumpin'!