Imagine Abbot & Costello With Cell Phones

What a day! No, to be more accurate: What a year!

Synopsis:

Christmas 2007 - The Bear receives his first cell phone as a gift.

February 2008 - While I am visiting Lulu in NC I receive a call from Pastor Dad who states that Pepper has chewed up the Bear's cell phone. What should he do? Replacement phone acquired.

March 2008 - I catch Pepper running through the house carrying new phone in her mouth. I rescue phone. Some teeth marks and a crack on the screen, otherwise the phone is usable and will do.

Intervening months - Bear "copes."

Christmas 2008 - Bear receives a brand spanking new trez chic cell phone. All is right with the world once more. Lectures are given. Promises are made. No one listens.

About 2 weeks ago - The Bear is doing two things that he does a lot except on this day he decides to do both simultaneously: eat and text. Somehow the phone ends up in his bowl of chicken noodle soup. End of phone. Bear is back to the one with teeth marks.

Today - Pastor Dad and I each get a text from our wireless company telling us that if we add a user to our plan we will receive free wireless for 3 months and free phone. Who would we add? We have 3 people in this house and each has a phone already. Perhaps Pepper? She seems determined to possess one even if only as a temporary chew toy.

I go to the wireless store to ask about getting the Bear's soup-immersed phone fixed. Let's just say that the price was far from "Free!" so odd as it may seem, I came away from there with a fourth number added to our plan just to get the free phone.

That's when the fun really started. If cell phones were Ford automobiles mine would be a Model A. I got rid of the one with the big antenna just a few years ago so never mind me with one of those new-fangled flip models!

But somehow in my mind I formed this beautiful plan to keep Bear and me both happy. If we took the SIM card out of the new phone and put it in my phone we could take the SIM card out of Bear's chewed phone and put it in the new one, and take the SIM card out of my old one and put it in the chewed phone. Think quick: Who's on first? I don't know. No, I don't know is . . .

It was about that confusing. But what made it more so was that I was the one who was supposed to be making the switcharoo. It just made sense for only one person to be handling the cards. For some reason the Bear didn't see it that way. He decided that what I was doing looked like so much fun that he'd begin taking out cards, too, and laying them on the counter. When I looked down there were more cards than what I had laid there so I had no idea which was which. I started putting cards in phones and calling numbers just to see which one would ring.

When we finally got it right the Bear had the new phone, I had his old one (which is still tons nicer than my old one even if it is adorned with Pepper's handiwork), and my old Model A now has the card for the new phone number - which will never be used unless Lulu wants to have access to a local number while she's living with us this summer. Otherwise, it will sit idle until I can cancel it in 3 months.

I'm a little worried about what's going to happen when one of these phones rings until I get used to the exchange. "That's your phone ringing."

"No, it's yours. You've got mine, remember?"

"HOW DO I ANSWER IT?"

"Just flip it open!"

I never thought I'd think of the times of pay phones and quarters as the good old days.